New York City is notorious for having tiny apartments that end up feeling even smaller through creative faux-construction. One bedroom apartments become two bedroom apartments, two bedrooms become three, and on and on. That's how I ended up sleeping in what's essentially the living room of the one bedroom apartment I share with my best friend. It's doesn't feel too different from a college dorm room.
When we first moved in, it felt like I'd be perpetually single, so it made perfect sense to just stick my bed in our extra living room space. A flimsy room divider seemed like enough to section off the room and make the space feel like mine. But, when I started to have regular sex, the downfalls of that decision hit me. I had no door, no walls, and by extension, no privacy. Luckily, I'm #blessed with a roommate who sleeps like the dead, so most of the time it's easy to wait until she's zonked out to have sex.
It also helps that she's my best friend and we have no qualms talking about our sex lives. I can ask (and have asked) her to not be home at certain times, and she can call (and has called) me out when my sex noises are a little too loud. It's important for roommates to acknowledge each other's sex lives, even if they're not the best of friends, says Kate Stewart, a counselor and dating coach in Seattle. "We all know people are having sex. Now is not the time to be shy," she says. "Put it out on the table."
Still, having that conversation can be awkward if you're not as candid as my roommate and me. So, we talked with Stewart and sex therapist Vanessa Marin for tips to help you and your roommate(s) navigate paper thin walls and squeaky bed frames while keeping your sex lives intact. Whether you're sharing an apartment or a dorm room, it's a tricky situation to navigate. Read on for their advice.
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