Have you ever heard of the “45-degree rule” for anal sex? Well, not many people have. It’s certainly not given the attention it deserves. You can read dozens of articles on the best ways to enjoy anal sex and never hear the rule mentioned. Meanwhile, it’s essentially the key to enjoyable anal play for both men and women… well, besides lube. Always use lots and lots of lube during anal.
Taking your butt plugs at 45 degrees
Butt plugs are amazing for a few reasons: They stimulate the prostate, create a feeling of fullness, stimulate the nerve-rich opening of the anus, and act as excellent warm up tools for anal sex.
“Butt plugs apply pressure (a highly underrated sensation) and push towards the clitoral structure or prostate. They can definitely be used as a warm up for penetration — but they can also be an awesome main course,” says Alicia Sinclaire, a certified sex educator and CEO of the butt-centric toy company, b-Vibe.
If you tilt the butt plug, you access the prostate in men and the back end of the internal clitoris in many women. It’s a golden secret so few people know about, but should.
Sinclaire suggests starting with a finger or two if you’re a butt plug novice, “If you’re having difficulty getting your butt plug in (which is totally normal!), warm up with a finger or two first and use lots of lube. Help your body open-up before you try using an anal sex toy.” The anus is a muscle and requires some extra work to be prepared for penetration with larger objects.
So, what does this have to do with all the “45 degrees” stuff? It’s basically the best way to move your anal toys for optimal pleasure (and easier insertion). “Slowly angle the toy downward about 45 degrees, so that one side of the bulb slides inside the anus. Keep the toy at that depth, and then gently angle the toy upward about 45 degrees,” Sinclair says. “Go back and forth like that a few times, gently going a bit further in with each change in direction. It’s similar to the way you can get a tight pair of jeans on by shimmying your hips side to side, but a lot slower. Once the bulb is past the internal anal muscle, the toy should slip into place.”
It’s not only a way to help stimulate the back end of the clitoris in women, and the prostate in men, but is overall a better way to insert toys without discomfort.
The 45-degree rule in anal sex
If you’re using a penis or dildo for anal penetration, these rules still apply. Keep in mind that butt plugs and other anal toys are a good place to begin if you’re new to anal sex. Going straight for anal can cause pain, and nobody wants that.
You might be thinking: Wait. You can pleasure women anally, even though they don’t have a prostate? The answer is: Heck yes.
“If you own a vulva, anal orgasms can often happen through indirect stimulation of the erogenous zones inside the vagina. The G-spot and A-spot, are key places for pleasurable stimulation through the shared wall between the vagina and rectum,” Sinclaire tells us.
That’s right, you can actually reach the back of the clit through anal. The A-spot is located at the inner ends of the vagina, between the cervix and bladder. Not every woman will enjoy (or even feel) this kind of stimulation, but if you’re interested in trying butt stuff, there is no harm in trying.
To hit the A-spot, Sinclair suggests deep penetrative positions such as doggystyle. Again, the 45-degree rule applies here. “Once in position, you’ll want to instruct your partner to angle 45 degrees upward (toward your belly button).”
The bottom (or person receiving anal stimulation) is always in control. Move back and forth on your partner’s penis or dildo, arching your back. Everybody is different and while the 45-degree rule does generally apply, anatomy is very different for each person. You'll need to be patient and find what works for you. It’ll likely take you time to find the right way to stimulate yourself during anal sex for optimal pleasure, but once you do, you’re in for a treat.