Daddy Issues Burn Bright In Episode 2 Of Succession

Since Succession is a show about a major media conglomerate company, I'm going to give you a little media insight ahead of this week's recap. Writers are sometimes given early access to shows to watch, take notes, and write recaps or explainers on big moments. It's our job to do this (so hard, wah, I know), but I am worried I will no longer to be able to watch this show at work because... it is too much for me.

I yelped at least five times during one such viewing of "Vaulter," and made my co-worker Kathryn look over at my laptop screen on multiple occasions just to say, "Oh my god, you're gonna love this scene." I tell people who don't watch the show about my favorite lines, and then I quote them (often inappropriately) during meetings. Much like the Roy kids, I am blurring the lines between professional and personal interests in a work setting, and it's almost gone too far. Almost.

It's not like I've abruptly quit my job, gutted an entire start-up website, lied to multiple people, or threatened to get rid of "50 skulls" in order to make a strong impression. No, I leave those reprehensible actions to my favorite fucked up family.

Honestly, too much happens in this week's episode after a slowish premiere which is why I could barely contain myself at my desk the first two times I watched it. The running theme this week — the entire course of the show, really, but especially this week — is daddy issues. Logan's (Brian Cox) really laying down a foundation for all his kids to stab each other in the back to remain on his good (better? not bad?) side. Here's a quick run through of the biggest moments, sorted by character.

- Quits her job on Gil's campaign, even after being offered the position of Chief of Staff if he makes it to Pennsylvania Ave.

- Makes her dad condense her on-boarding process from three years to what will probably be three episodes.

- Calls her dad out for not only playing into, but manifesting a hostile workplace for women. ("Oh, a woman — that's a minus?," she says after her dad implies she can't cut the same corners on her path to CEO that Roman did becoming COO. "Of course it’s a fucking minus! I didn't make the world,” Logan refutes. "Well, you make a small part of it!" she responds.)

- Lies to her husband Tom (Matthew Macfayden) about her real ambitions with the company, saying that she only accepting her dad's offer to be CEO as a play to get Tom at the top of the food chain.

- Gets promoted to sit in at his Daddy's special table after royally fucking over Vaulter, and firing a bunch of "fake journalists," in Roman's (Kieran Culkin) words.

- Gifts Greg an apartment for the sole use of throwing ragers there and becoming the "techno Gatsby." Earnestly says, "My dad told me to," as a defense for screwing over Lawrence (Rob Yang) and his entire company, which he purchased/invested in way back in the series premiere, kicking off this whole damn mess.

- Does coke in the bathroom at work. Decides to start stealing because the high from the drugs and alcohol and being on his father's good side isn't good enough.

- Has trouble hugging his own children because the dementor that is Logan Roy has sucked all the life out of him.

- Invites Shiv to a dinner party at Tabitha's (Caitlin FitzGerald) and his place, introducing the Prague closed-circuit woman in a whole new light. (She fits in perfectly with this messed up family because she is emotionally ruthless enough to hang.)

- Sees a flash of his future life as CEO when his dad decides to take his side in a meeting about Vaulter, that is until Kendall's absolutely demonic method of firing everyone after pretending to be their ally makes Logan favor the elder Roy sibling once more.

- Considers Tom a threat within the company once he sees a new sparkle in his brother-in-law's eye as he wades deeper into the "belly of the beast" that is ATN broadcast news.

- Meets the tiny-but-mighty Cyd Peach (Jeannie Berlin) and promptly tells her to fuck off, but LOL good luck because Peach does not seem like the type of woman who is told what to do.

- Is really feeling himself and obsessed with the potential of power that he is blind to the fact that his wife is already leaving him in the dust. Enlists his minion Greg (Nicholas Braun) to help him "trim the fat" at ATN (a Fox News-ish brand of news) and "crush some skulls."

- Wears a scarf that Darren Aronofsky probably also owns.

- Hosts an awkward dinner party at his hotel penthouse that he is now renting with Willa (Justine Lupe).

- Is still planning on running for president? May or may not have received Napoleon's penis in the mail.

- Turns Roman against Kendall, turns Shiv against Gil, turns Marcia against him. It's lonely at the top.

- Finds a dope ass apartment only to find out that now he is probably going to be his upstairs neighbor Kendall's wingman and coke guy (ideally not from the park) from here on out.

- Voices his concern about working at a toxic company like ATN because he has moral apprehensions about lying and fake news, things that are practically mandatory for every ATN employee.

The Independent Women (Gerri [J. Cameron Smith], Karolina [Dagmara Dominczyk]): Barely appear in this episode, except for Gerri answering a frantic phone call from man-child Roman. I hope they're plotting their come-up somewhere, and that Gerri and Shiv start to see eye-to-eye. I need that alliance.

Greg trying to fit into a lofted apartment, requesting that he simply wants a place that can fit his body.

Roman telling a guy to drink his fucking smoothie. Then, when the guy turns away and drinks his smoothie, Roman going: "Oh my god you're actually drinking the smoothie."

Tom telling Shiv that he thinks it's fine to "fuck the odd peasant" from time to time, adding, “I feel godlike and horny, like everyone feels 2-feet tall compared to me.”

Roman calling Gerri, his unofficial babysitter and muse, and ask her to "come over" to help him figure out what to do with Vaulter, and Gerri being like "COME OVER?!" and then Roman saying, "Yeah...you know what? Fuck you." And Gerri saying, "Fuck you!"

Greg should know better. He should think twice before accepting anything from the Roy family, but this week alone he accepted a job doing Tom's dirty work, a luxury apartment from Kendall, and almost said yes to a spore-filled sublet from one of Willa's girlfriends. When will he just accept something normal, like a coffee date? From me? JK. Not. Or am I?

And, that’s the end of the recap.

What are you waiting for? A kiss? Fuck off. Be gone.

Bye-bye.

(See you next week.)