If fall could only have one symbol associated with it, it would be the pumpkin. There's pumpkin in your coffee, a pumpkin on your stoop, maybe even a string of little pumpkin-shaped lights dangling above your head. Wherever you are, pumpkins are near. But how, you may find yourself wondering, does one make the humble pumpkin feel a bit more current? After all, people have been hauling out pumpkins for fall festivities since the 19th century. It’s time for pumpkins to get a trendy, millennial-facing makeover — lest we otherwise inadvertently kill them as we have American cheese, going out, and marriage. Which is probably why stores ranging from Pottery Barn to Etsy to Target are pushing the succulent pumpkin. What’s a succulent pumpkin? Well, it’s a pumpkin with a succulent glued on it. Because “Slap A Succulent Atop It” is totally the 2018 version of Portlandia’s “Put A Bird On It” skit.
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While it only recently landed in mainstream home stores, the succukin (succupump? Pumpulent?) thing was actually birthed at least a few years ago. There are videos on YouTube dating as far back as 2012 explaining how to make them, though to be honest, I’m not sure you really need a video tutorial, because even for the less-than-crafty among us, it doesn’t seem that hard.
Basically, you cut off the pumpkin stem, use hot glue to affix sphagnum moss to the top of it (this helps the succulents survive in their new, unnatural habitat), cut the succulents from their soil leaving a ¼ inch stem, and glue ‘em down. Depending on what you think your succukin aesthetic is, you can use one or two large ones or a bunch of littles ones or some kind of mixture. Regardless, the result is a pumpkin that totally looks cool enough to shop at Need Supply. Please note that you are not, as I initially imagined, supposed to hollow out a pumpkin and stick a succulent inside it. Also, if you're actually going to attempt this, don't follow my shoddy directions, and maybe instead check out one of those YouTube videos I just dismissed; crafting is hard and hot glue is forever.
For the truly craft-averse, a small, pre-assembled succukin from Pottery Barn will only set you back $15 — meanwhile a large one is $46 — while Etsy has them for $18. Etsy also has a kit you can buy to make one yourself for $69, which I guess is sort of like a meal kit for succukins, in that it is a waste of both time and money. I mean, sure, it will make an adorable centerpiece for your Friendsgiving festivities, but you can always just buy the cheap pre-made one and just tell everyone you did it yourself.
There’s also, I would argue, nothing that says you have to stick with succulents should you go the DIY route. Or pumpkins. If we’re going to be crafting these hybrid plant abominations, why not get creative? Stick a cactus on a squash! Put an air plant… uh, in the general vicinity of a gourd. Go wild! Because if the arrival of the succukin on the autumnal decor scene proves anything, it’s that we’re all running out of ideas here. Also, that succulents are very cute and almost universally beloved. But you probably already knew that.