Colton Underwood, loudly proclaimed virgin, maybe lost his virginity last year, and the chances that it will be aired on national television are at least 20%. But he did his best to make sure that didn't happen.
"Did you go into the Fantasy Suite?" Jimmy Kimmel asked Underwood on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Monday night after episode two of The Bachelor aired.
Answered Underwood cryptically, "I will say that the Fantasy Suite was the most pivotal week of my journey."
When asked if there were microphones in the Fantasy Suite, Underwood was quick to assure Kimmel that there weren't. "I checked the rooms [for mics]," Underwood added. Apparently, contestants wear mics up until the moment they enter the suite. When they do, the mics come off and anything can happen. Contestants have said in the past that, often, this moment is best used for talking about "off-camera" topics like religion, politics, health insurance, and respective credit scores. Other contestants have described in detail how awkward it is to leave your chaperone behind and immediately start doing the no-pants dance. For Underwood, the situation is even more loaded, given the season's emphasis on his virginity.
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Still, though, Kimmel pointed out that having footage of one's first sexual experience — however Underwood interprets "first" — might be interesting. "If I had a tape of me losing my virginity, it would be the funniest thing I'd ever heard," said the late night host.
Honestly? After all the virgin jokes this season has seen, The Bachelor is just a few weeks away from airing an off-putting 40-Year-Old Virgin parody sketch. Watch the full interview with Underwood, below, wherein Underwood is as diplomatic and evasive as a sphinx guarding its temple.