15 Sexy Ideas For An Exciting Valentine's Day

Boxes of chocolate, red roses, and romantic dinners may be the PG symbols of Valentine's Day, but if you ask me, the best part of the Hallmark holiday is the X-rated element: sex. Making the time for totally hot sex can be a great way to show your partner how much you care for and appreciate them.

If you're spending Valentine's Day with someone, chances are you've already entered the bone zone. While regular sex with a partner can be fantastic, it's also easy to hit a stride. We discover what we like and stick with it, which can oftentimes mean regularly opting for quickies. Sure, quickies can be hothello, public bathroom sex — but Valentine's Day gives people a chance to plan. And trust me, scheduled sex doesn't have to mean boring sex.


"Having planned sex allows you to mindfully plan a night of uninterrupted connection," says Rena McDaniel, clinical sexologist. "How often do we give ourselves that gift?"

Not enough. But I'm here to help you change that this Valentine's Day. From the Japanese bondage art of shibari to bringing dessert into the bedroom, here are 15 Valentine's Day sex ideas that are worth planning for.

illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Plan a sex position extravaganza

A wonderful way to prolong sex is to switch up your positions. In the week leading up to Valentine's Day, you and your partner can browse sex position ideas (which you can do here, here, here, and here), and then each make a list of the ones that turn you on (may I suggest Queen of Heaven?). On Valentine's Day night, review your lists together and pick five that you both want to try.

Spending the week perusing images of hot positions, and then cuddling close as you and your partner select the ones you want to do together, will make sure the sexual tension is so high that you'll basically rip each other's clothes off.

The prize of nailing all five on your list? A post-work out and orgasmic glow.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Go lingerie shopping together, and then stage a fashion show

Lingerie shops are sexy places — the mere act of walking into one with your partner and browsing endless rows of silk and lace is basically foreplay. Rather than purchasing Valentine's Day lingerie ahead of time to surprise your partner, use the money you'd spend on an expensive dinner together to make lingerie shopping the date itself.

When you've selected your goodies and checked out, head home for the real show. Have your partner sit on the bed while you visually tease them by putting on a fashion show to a Valentine's Day playlist. And of course, since this is meant to tease things out, your partner has to refrain from touching you — kissing isn't even allowed until you've modeled each new outfit.

Save your favorite lingerie set for last, but don't take it off. People have sex naked all the time, so celebrate the holiday by keeping your lingerie on, simply pulling panties to the side for both oral and penetrative sex.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Try something you’ve never done before

Enjoying a new experience together is a surefire way to make memories. In the days leading up to Valentine's Day, you and your partner can each make a list of sexy experiences you've never had, and then share them with one another in a grown-up version of "Never Have I Ever."

The night is yours, of course, but if you're looking for prolonged sex, try something new that requires taking your time, like experimentation with bondage. Just make sure you have all necessary supplies on the big day.

"Learning a new skill together, like Shibari rope tying, is an excellent way to engage your brain a bit more in the bedroom and help you feel closer to your partner," McDaniel says.

If bondage piques your interest, most cities have rope-tying classes, but you can also simply purchase some ropes and an erotic instructional book, and then play around together. It's okay if you mess up or don't get it right the first time — sex is meant to be messy, a little awkward, and even giggle-inducing at times!
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Plan a sexy staycation

When brainstorming Valentine's Day date ideas that are anything but boring, a weekend getaway sounds pretty ideal, but it's definitely not necessary if you're looking for a long, drawn-out sexual experience.

When planning for a sex marathon, isolation is your best friend. Rather than escape to the woods or the beach, stay in on Valentine's Day. If you can afford it, look out for deals on hotel rooms (many offer Valentine's Day specials), and rent a room just for one night. I've had the luxury of enjoying a Valentine's Day staycation in the past, and when it's just you and your partner in a hotel room (and the occasional visit from room service), there's nothing to do but make love. Multiple times, in multiple places.

But this experience is definitely replicable at home, as long as you and your partner commit to blocking off time (and maybe pre-ordering some Seamless for when you're taking breaks).
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Play a sex game

Holidays give people a reason to be silly and over-the-top, so use Valentine's Day as your excuse to play sexy games that let you try new things together. (R29 has rounded up a ton of great options here.)

Order delivery for dinner, put on something sexy-yet-comfy, make a blanket fort, and transform your Valentine's Day into an X-rated game night. This might just be a rare instance in which playing by the rules not only pays off — it gets you off.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Eat dessert off your partner

When looking for a night that prioritizes pleasure over tradition, skip the restaurant and use one another's bodies to enjoy dessert. I recommend using classic Valentine's Day sweets, like whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and strawberries.

Avoid inserting anything sweet into the vagina, as sugar can cause yeast infections, but your lover's torso, lower back, and breasts are all fair game. And don't forget about the oft-forgotten erogenous zones, like toes, nipples, and the nape of your neck (remember, this is not a quickie). Avoiding penetration during dessert will help make sex drawn out and prolonged.

For even more adult dessert play, add champagne by pouring it on yourselves and then licking it off one another's bodies. After you've both had your fill, wash off with a couple's shower.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Give an erotic massage

While going out for a professional couple's massage is a wonderful Valentine's Day date idea, for a more intimate sex-based evening (and to save some cash), give each other erotic massages. I don't mean a simple shoulder rub after a long day of work — I'm talking about a full-blown massage (in which happy endings are encouraged).

Light candles and invest in aromatherapeutic massage oil. Start like a professional masseuse and work your lover's back, shoulders, arms, and legs, and then slowly move on to their genitals, communicating as you go.

While giving a happy ending massage focuses on your partner, don't forget to enjoy the thrill of it for yourself. "Giving a massage is nice, but it can sometimes be even nicer, rather than 'giving touch,' to 'take touch' from your partner — simply enjoying their body, selfishly, for your own arousal," says Stephen Snyder, MD, a New York City-based sex therapist.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Experiment with butt play

Anal sex may have a reputation for being rough, but trust me: It can be one of the coziest, most intimate ways to enjoy sex with your partner. And it's a great one to try on Valentine's Day, since it requires some planning.

"If you haven't done it before, know that the first time, you may have to wait awhile before the anus opens to penetration," Dr. Snyder says.

Unless you're going for consensual pain, never just shove a penis or dildo into an anus without a proper warmup. As sex psychologist David Ley, PhD, told Refinery29: "If you try to do it the way most porn does, it will be like learning to shoot from watching Steven Seagal movies: Somebody will get hurt." Not sure where to start? Here's a handy guide to first-time anal sex.

Once you and your partner agree that you'd like to experiment with butt play on Valentine's Day, make sure you do your research and come prepared with an anal sex kit. This should contain lube (the thicker the better, like Pjur Backdoor) and anal toys, like butt plugs or anal beads.

Want to draw out anal play and make it extra hot? Have the receiving partner insert the butt plug an hour before you even start fooling around or meet up — just knowing that it's in there while you or your partner is doing mundane tasks can be a huge turn on.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Act out your role-play fantasies

From doctor/patient to French maid, role-playing on Valentine's Day is the perfect way to step out of your norms and turn your night into hours of eroticism.

Since it's a holiday, go all out. Buy costumes to help get into character, and if acting isn't your thing, responsibly enjoy champagne to help yourself relax. Transform your bedroom into a scene and employ full use of your imagination. Just remember to buy all props in advance.

Pro tip: If your role-play fantasy is a medical one, either visit a medical kink supply site or keep it simple and waltz into your local CVS (the cashier doesn't have to know what you're going to do with those latex gloves).
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Use a blindfold

Blindfolding is a simple way to incorporate sensory deprivation into your play, and it adds a fun power dynamic: The blindfolded partner can be dominated by the one doing the blindfolding (with verbal consent, of course). And the great thing about blindfolding is that you don't actually have to use a designated blindfold — any tie or scarf you have lying around will do the trick.

When it comes to planning for sex with blindfolds, the responsibility lies with the partner assuming the dominant role (the one who isn't blindfolded). After discussing boundaries with their partner, that person can plan all of the ways they'd like to tease and tantalize their partner as their eyes are covered. My suggestion? Make them wait. Don't give into direct genital stimulation until they're literally squirming and begging.

And remember: Even with lighter BDSM practices like this, it's not about giving up power, but exchanging power. The submissive person (the one being blindfolded, in this case) is willingly giving up their control.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Experiment with delaying orgasm

While orgasms may provide an awesome high, they have their downsides. Mainly, if one partner comes before the other, it's easy for things to wind down fairly quickly. This is why edging, or purposely delaying orgasms, can be a fun way to mix things up and extend sex. Practicing edging is simple. Once you and/or your partner comes close to orgasm, you stop stimulation right before it actually happens. Then, after a pause, you resume the stimulation.

Sound painful? It kind of is — but in the best way. Simply pausing right before you or your partner reaches orgasms makes things extra exciting and can even add in a BDSM-esque power dynamic. By the time you or your partner is finally allowed to come, the tension will be so high that the resulting orgasm is Valentine's Day-level explosive.

Just don't delay stimulation for too long. "Edging is fine to do as a couple, as long as you don't edge for such a long time that your arousal starts to diminish," Dr. Snyder says.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Explore temperature play

For a last minute sex idea, explore temperature play with your partner. Use what's available right in your freezer, by having your partner take an ice cube and run it over your erogenous zones (or vice versa). If that sounds too cold for you, you can warm up the cube first by placing it in your mouth.

You can also heat things up by having your partner gently drizzle candle wax over your stomach, thighs, and butt (or, again, vice versa). See how you like the sensation of hot wax on meatier areas before moving on to the more sensitive erogenous zones, like nipples. Just make sure not to burn yourself or your partner.

With a glass dildo (like this one), you can either stick it in the freezer or heat it up in the microwave to play with both temperatures.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Tease each other all day long

Some might say that anticipation is the best part of sex, so make your partner wait for it all night with gentle (and not-so-gentle teasing). Start the day off with a few sexy texts that will make sure you're thinking about what you plan to do to each other all day. Then, if you're going out for a Valentine's Day date, kick the teasing up a notch with sex toys like We-Vibe's vibrating kegel balls or b-vibe's Snug Plug butt plugs. Knowing that your partner has a sex toy inside of them all through dinner is sure to make the after-dinner portion of your date even more exciting.
illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Switch it up

If there's a clearly established top and bottom in your relationship, take Valentine's Day as an opportunity to shake things up. If you're the partner who's usually more submissive, be the one to initiate sex. Seeing you want it so badly might just make your partner weak. If you're the more dominant partner, let your bae take the lead. You might find that you like being ravished.

Try a couple's sex toy

Any sex toy can be a couple's sex toy if you use it together, but for V-Day, try experimenting with a toy designed to be worn during partnered sex, such as We-Vibe's Sync, a vibrating cock ring, or a strap-on dildo and harness.
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