I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Jersey Shore: Family Reunion had a whole episode about poop. The show's premise rests on the cast being giant, sloppy messes, but one of the selling points of Family Reunion was that they had supposedly grown up. A lot has changed over the past ten years — The Situation is sober, Vinny Guadagnino doesn't live with his mom, Snooki and JWoww have children — but some of the worst things are exactly the same. Mainly, the men.
For reasons that are between him and his doctor, Ronnie Ortiz Magro absolutely demolished every bathroom in the Miami home with his poop. We were thankfully spared a full-frontal view of the wreckage, but the casts' reactions were enough to convey that this was more than your average clogged toilet(s). In two days, Magro rendered every bathroom in the house unusable, but for some reason, it was up to the women to clean it up.
After losing a rock-climbing race to Deena Nicole Cortese, Snooki was tasked with the unfortunate punishment of attempting to unclog just one of the out-of-service bathrooms. You could say this was a burden she received fair and square, except it didn't appear anyone but her and Deena were competing.
As Snooki outfitted herself in gloves and a giant trash bag, Magro said that of course he would have offered to handle the toilets himself, but Snooki lost the bet fair and square.
If you've had explosive diarrhea so severe that it clogs not one, not two, but all of the available toilets in the house you share with six other people, you are the one who takes care of it. You don't just stand there sheepishly as as the women, who had nothing to do with it, dry-heave.
But, in reality, it's not about the poop. What's more frustrating is that this is another example of how, after ten years, the men haven't had to grow up. The biggest struggle for Snooki and JWoww is motherhood. They miss their children, so much so that Snooki almost left mid-episode. The women are in visible emotional agony every time we see them, but are using this reunion as a chance to let loose for the first time in years, while the men have...what? Developed new workout routines and shit in every available toilet? Advocated for the pull-out method while their girlfriend is back home pregnant for that very reason? Even The Situation, who did the impressive work of getting his act together and becoming sober, nets zero due to the fact that he's literally on trial for tax evasion. Vinny Guadagnino continues to come out on top, but only for the bare-minimum reason that he isn't outwardly destructive. (Vinny, I still love you, email me!)
I'm not trying to be a spoil-sport. I know that ultimately the responsibility of cleaning the toilets fell on Snooki because it would be the most entertaining, but it doesn't change the fact that while the men have grown up, the women have done so exponentially, and had they done any less, they'd be labeled as bad mothers and out-of-control messes, while the men can skate by on, once again, clogging every available toilet without outrage.
I'm just saying, next episode, the men better be tasked with buying all the women's menstrual products. At least that's a good start.
Read These Stories Next: