Chris Evans & Jenny Slate Have Quietly Split, Again

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Though it's officially spring, the snowfall and thunderstorms plaguing the country aren't the only bad omens that winter is far from over. Sadly, the odd couple fans loved to celebrate, Chris Evans and Jenny Slate, has called it quits on their relationship yet again. This is, indeed, a cold and dark time.
As in the past, Slate and Evans didn't make a spectacle of their decision. There were no carefully crafted messages shared across various social media platforms. Instead, Evans gently broke the news in his recent profile in The New York Times, buried under hundreds of words about his Broadway play, Lobby Hero, and musings about his facial hair.
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In return for all of our invested time and energy into the couple's love life, we merely get a simple sentence confirming the breakup, nuzzled in a paragraph about how Evans is learning to become a better ally to women.
"One book he found eye-opening was Rebecca Solnit's The Mother of All Questions," the graf reads. "Mr. Evans read it while dating the actress Jenny Slate (their on-again, off-again relationship, beloved by the internet, recently ended) and decided that he needed to listen more and speak less."
That's it! That's the entire confirmation. It's written as nonchalantly as if the author, say, acknowledged that Evans brushed the crumbs of a scone from his sweater.
Evans and Slate, who met on the set of Gifted, first started dating back in 2016. The news of the action hero dating the comedian was exciting, probably because it reminded fans of films like She's All That, where the hot jock falls for the poetry nerd. Over the next year, we'd all hop on a rollercoaster of emotions as Captain America and Marcel the Shell broke up because of Slate's (honestly, understandable) desire to "feel normal" and later realize they weren't over their love just yet. Sadly, this could be the end of the ride for all of us.
To cope, some of us will cozy up with some ice cream, and others will scroll through photos of the pair. As for Evans, he'll be exploring his new hobby, tap dancing, an art he told The Times "is waiting to have its day" and "makes me feel like I'm part of the music."
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The image of Evans tap dancing will become a lot cooler once we get over the fact that he's just stomped on our hearts.
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