If Beyoncé taught us anything, it's that shit goes down when there's a billion dollars on an elevator. And while the sum of Brad Pitt and Tifffany Haddish's net worth may be a bit shy of what Beyoncé and Jay Z are working with, the "Flawless" lyric perfectly encapsulates this mysterious elevator moment from the Oscars.
After presenting on stage at the 90th Academy Awards alongside Maya Rudolph (give them a show, a movie, a clothing line, their own sports team), Haddish met up with Kelly Ripa backstage to talk about her Ugg slippers, blisters, and play a game of "Date, Marry, Ditch" (which is basically "Fuck, Marry, Kill" but for a PG crowd). Sifting through the pouch with names for the comedian to consider, Ripa pulls out the first candidate: Brad Pitt. Haddish freaks out — “I just met him in the elevator” she says. “He said in one year if he’s still single and I’m single, we gonna do it, so you know what that means …" But here's the thing — Pitt wasn't at the Oscars. He's in no photos, not even slyly in the back. He isn't mentioned in any articles, not even Page Six gossip. He isn't promoting any projects, nor is he likely in the mood to be around a bunch of press, considering. So, what tall, handsome, older famous man did Haddish meet in the elevator at the Oscars?
First, we need to breakdown how well Haddish knows her new peers.
Here is a list of celebrities that Haddish has met, and definitely knows who they are:
3. Meryl Streep.
Here is a list of celebrities that Haddish has maybe met, and definitely does not know who they are:
But, no shade because as we learned from all the Chrises of Hollywood — most of these old white guys in suits look the exact same, and Haddish knows people on all sides of the production from being a comedian for the past two decades.
So, who did she meet and think was The Brad Pitt? Maybe it was Garrett Hedlund or Armie Hammer because they are both tall, blonde, and would be into elevator chatter. Then there's Matthew McConaughey who is in the same age bracket as Pitt, but he and Hammer wouldn't really joke about being single and getting together. Hell, it could have been this guy. But in the end it was none of the above — Haddish simply meant to clarify that she had met Pitt two days prior in the elevator at the Gersh Oscars pre-party in Los Angeles. The memory must have still been fresh in Haddish's mind. Her rep clarified that she did definitely meet Pitt on Thursday night. I mean, if I made that arrangement with Benjamin Button I'd still be thinking about it, too.
Congrats to the happy couples!
Read These Stories Next: