Whoever said that all good things must come to an end was a total liar, and I couldn't be more grateful.
A month ago, I mourned the loss of 2016-2017's greatest celebrity feud after Marilyn Manson proclaimed that he had officially squashed his beef with pop singer and Beverly Hills reject Justin Bieber while on the air with Howard Stern. You see, during such dark political times, watching the polar opposites squabble over a ridiculous $195 T-shirt was, to me, like bingeing on a season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians; it was an entertaining nightmare, and I just couldn't get enough.
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By the grace of death metal (and possibly boredom from being bedridden after a prop crushed him onstage), Manson decided to throw diplomacy to the wind on Friday to remind Bieber why he never should have messed with someone who gladly proclaims he's an "Antichrist Superstar."
According to Entertainment Weekly, Manson told Dallas radio show host Cindy Scull that in addition to being in "some sort of sexual religious cult with [an] Asian version of Dave Navarro," Bieber was a "girl" with the sensibilities of a squirrel.
The conversation started when Scull said she'd like to see Manson "go kick Justin Bieber's ass" and asked "Who the fuck does that guy think he is?"
"I don't like to fight with girls, so I don't want to fight Justin Bieber," Manson responded.
Later, the "WE KNOW WHERE YOU FUCKING LIVE" singer said that he couldn't say why Bieber thought it would be OK to use Manson's face on merch without permission because, "I don't know how to use the mind of a squirrel, so I'm not really sure exactly what he's thinking."
Here's the thing: I am a huge fan of both girls and squirrels, so I'm not down with Manson equating people he doesn't like with either. However, I'm willing to forgive the comparisons so that this very important fight continues. Sure, it's entertaining, but it's also a reminder that stealing someone's idea (or in this case, their merchandise) is not cool.
Besides, if this feud goes away, we once again have to go back to Taylor Swift and Katy Perry making subtle digs at one another, and honestly, no one wants that.