Last week, dad Jesse Mab-Phea Hill thought he was having a pretty good day: His wife was at work, he had dropped their son off at school, and he more or less had the house to himself as their toddler slept in her room.
But as any parent probably knows, life with a toddler is never that simple.
As he made his way upstairs from his "man cave" in the basement to get a slice of cake for a snack, something immediately seemed off.
"As I'm going upstairs I smell something foul," he wrote in a now-viral Facebook post. "I scan the basement from the stairs thinking the dogs dropped a deuce before I let them outside. I see nothing..... And then my blood runs cold when I realize the stink is coming from the upper floor."
"I run up the stairs screaming no, no, no, no, till I get to Alessandras room," he continued. "There she is, standing at the baby gate, butt naked, holding her diaper, covered head to toe in her own crap. Im not talking a little poop here and there on her. I'm talking layered on globs of human fecal matter covering her arms, legs, face and HAIR. It's bad. It's worse then any other time she decided to explore in her diaper."
As you can see from his photos, it's a pretty harrowing sight.
Hill was tempted to close the door then and there and recruit his wife's help when she got home, he wrote, "but yesterday was Mexican mothers day and I didn't want to be a dick."
So he gamely stepped in and went about picking up their daughter to get her cleaned up.
"The whole time she's in the tub she tries to touch me with her shit covered hands and I scream like a pre-pubecent [sic] girl and dodge her," he wrote. "After 20 minutes I pick all the crap out of her hair, bottom of her feet and everywhere in between."
Hill probably wished that the ordeal was over at this point, but nope — he still had to deal with the literal shitstorm in his daughter's bedroom.
"Everything on the right side of the room is covered in steaming baby crap," he wrote. "The walls, the toys, the windows, the curtains, the play bench, the floor, the baby piano, my hopes, all covered in crap. It looked like a real category 5 shit storm blew thru her room. Hurricane Shitrina if you will."
Not knowing where to start, he eventually relented and called his wife for her help, and set to work cleaning up the entire room.
"Alessandra is my favorite daughter but my 2nd favorite kid right now," he wrote. Understandable, really.
In the end, Hill said, he wanted to share his very particular struggles as something of a public service as well as a reminder for his future self.
"Anyway, I write these trials and tribulations of mine to not only do my part to spread written contraception and to strike fear in the hearts of new parents but also to remind myself that no matter what I'm going thru, at least I'm not cleaning hot baby crap out of the gears of my daughter's play set again," he wrote. "Enjoy the pictures."
Since he posted the photos to Facebook last Thursday, his post has gone viral, with more than 100,000 shares at the time of writing, so it looks like people really did enjoy those photos. Hey, Hill might have gone through "Hurricane Shitrina," but at least he's got a good sense of humor about it.
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