Every Modern Phrase That Kimmy Schmidt Has Messed Up

Photo: Eric Liebowitz / Netflix.
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is painfully unrealistic — and that's the point. The show swaps reality for a world of jokes, and some of the best ones might just be the Kimmyisms. They come tumbling out of actress Ellie Kemper's mouth as her character constantly bungles the phrases and concepts of her new, modern world. But who wouldn't fall prey to a few slip-ups after emerging from the ground after 15 years? The last time Kimmy had seen sunlight was in the year 2000, when *NSYNC, jelly sandals, and denim skirts ruled the world.
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By 2015 (and 2016) (and 2017 in the upcoming season dropping May 19), boy bands and retro fashion have been replaced by...well, okay, actually the same stuff. But now there's smartphones and apps and the internet to worry about, and much to our delight, Kimmy can't keep up. From the first season, when she's adjusting to life and trying to land a job working for Jacqueline Voorhees, to the second, when she's setting boundaries at work and figuring out her relationship with Dong, our favorite underdog manages to get things not quite right. Sometimes, they're totally off base.
Kimmy's offbeat ideas and gullible personality are only half of what make her character so enjoyable. Ahead are all the phrases Kimmy confuses, puns she gets wrong, and general linguistic misunderstandings in the first two seasons of the hit Netflix series.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Hashtag" vs. "Hashbrown"

Let's start with perhaps the most classic Kimmy line, "Hashbrown, no filter," which honestly sounds delicious.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Goodbye" vs. "Troll the respawn, Jeremy."

Kimmy picked up on this weird phrase after overhearing a video game.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Just generally incorrect French.

Ah yes, not unlike the classic French expression, "Le pain quotidien."
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Pistachios" vs. "Tree clams"

This (kind of) makes sense until...
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Oyster" vs. "Sea pistachio"

...and now my brain hurts.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Quid prom quote" vs. "Quid prong conch"

I mean, if Kimmy doesn't grasp French then we can't expect Latin to be any easier.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Morals are relative" vs. "Moral relatives"

I guess she doesn't really grasp English, either.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Under the table" vs. "Under the tables"

I'll be honest and say I've probably made this mistake.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Molly" the drug vs. "Molly" the American Girl doll

You probably shouldn't bring either to a club.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
When she thinks "a Givenchy romper" is a mini speaker.

Close.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Eureka" vs. "Urethra"

I'd say these are interchangeable!
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Apple" vs. "Macintosh"

This is technically not...wrong? But it definitely doesn't feel right.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Bathroom" vs. "Filth bucket"

Potato, potato.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
The concept of autocorrect.

"So I’ve got to figure out where to get one."
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Catcalls

The best response to "I want to be your jeans."
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"MILF" vs. "My Interesting Lady Friend"

I like this version better!!
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Animal rights" vs. "Animal marriage"

Why not both?
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
"Titus" vs "Turdgun"

"Peeno Noir" by Turdgun Andromedon.
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