Being a new mom can be hard. Or at least it can be for me. Maybe there are new moms out there who sail blissfully through the days, cherishing each little moment, utterly confident in their new mom-ness. But for me, sometimes it's really hard. Hard because I doubt myself. Hard because I'm tired. Hard because when I'm tired it's challenging to honor my own intuition. Hard because the outside voices of (mostly) well meaning advisors can overwhelm and confuse me. Hard because I'm lonely. Hard because my hormones are bananas. Just. Hard. And then tonight, while feeding my daughter--with a bottle--something that continues to be a source of deep sadness and a never ending quest to find a solution--I had a brief moment of clarity. This time, while seemingly interminable in moments, is actually flying by. She will never be this small again. I can either spend these days judging myself, and wishing for things to "get easier" or I can try to take it moment by moment. I hope to always remember tonight. How she looked up at me while I was feeding her and smiled. How she fell asleep on my shoulder. How my doubt and worry was momentarily quieted by my deep love for her, and how--at least for a moment--I let that love extend to myself.
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