Billy Ray Cyrus would like us all to slow our speculation that his daughter got married in secret. Technically, it's all his fault.
His post of daughter Miley in a white dress with the caption "I'm so happy...you are happy" made everyone lose their collective minds. Was she married? Wasn't she married? Is marriage even still a valid institution in 2017? On the other hand, as our society fractures and ossifies, aren't traditions more important than ever? Indeed, don't we need ceremony to mark new eras in our life and provide buoys that help us beat back the endless waves of encroaching time?
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Or, you know, whatever. She's not married, by the way.
“[It was] just some great photos that happen to have been taken in a white dress,” a Cyrus rep told Us Weekly.
We really need a celebrity marriage. The last truly good one was Kim and Kanye, although George and Amal Clooney came in a close second. You know it's a quality celebrity wedding when there's drama about who didn't attend. You also know it's good when Jaden Smith shows up dressed as all-white Batman. Or when Kanye saws a bar in half and declares it art. That's the wedding we need, not a tasteful ceremony on a beach somewhere where only friends and family attend.
Cyrus edited his original post to make it clear that he's not breaking major celebrity news on his Instagram. Which is a shame, because we're sure his analytics were through the roof.
"Whoa!" he wrote. "Don't jump the gun. Been at work #StillTheKing Glad to see so many love @MileyCyrus the same as I do."