Kanye West Phone Obituary

You were the vessel to "god's vessel," the source of many unintelligible tweets, and the yin to Kim's LuMee-encased yang. Today, we mourn you, Yeezy's phone. Your father cast you aside for his art.

I got rid of my phone so I can have air to create
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) September 14, 2016

But you still had so much to offer the world, so much to say. Like Martin Luther King Jr. — and Kanye himself — you, too, had visions of a better future.

I have a dream.
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 22, 2016

You repeatedly begged to share your self-expression through Instagram and Snapchat. Kanye told you he would think about it, but always shut you down.

I DO NOT HAVE AN INSTAGRAM…
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) November 8, 2013

on another note... I was thinking about getting an Instagram but only on one condition......
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 14, 2016

no one can ask me or try to tell me what to Instagram... It's my art...
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 14, 2016

You tried so hard to be a constant source of optimism, even when your soul felt dark. And we understood you, because we are also not morning people.

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Let's start the day off right!!! And y'all know what I'm bout to say now ...#allpositivevibes!!!!!!
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 10, 2016

You tried to tell yourself that it's what's on the inside that counts, but try as you might, you couldn't be green like Kanye wanted. You were never good enough.

In Roman times the artist would contemplate proportions and colors. Now there is only one important color... Green
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 22, 2016

You constantly dealt with mood swings and issues with punctuation!

I used an exclamation just to be an asshole and also to make a point! LOL
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 23, 2016

And I used a period because contrary to popular belief I strongly dislike exclamation points!
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 23, 2016

You tried to keep the peace with Taylor and Amber Rose, but there was always someone intervening and making you out to be the bad guy. You were an innocent bystander, unworthy of blame.

That moment when Kanye West secretly records your phone call, then Kim posts it on the Internet. pic.twitter.com/4GJqdyykQu
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 18, 2016

And though you tried to talk to your mentor back at Apple HQ, it never happened.

I need Tim Cook Jay Z Dez Jimmy Larry me and Drake Scooter on the phone or in a room this week!!!
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) July 30, 2016

You asked Kanye to please stop blaming your Apple friends, but, to your eternal shame, he never obliged.

This Tidal Apple beef is fucking up the music game.
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) July 30, 2016

Yeezy's iPhone, we hope, for your sake and ours, that West doesn't change his mind and return to you when he realizes all that he has lost. Know that you are in a better place now, where you won't have to live in his shadow.

See I invented Kanye
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 31, 2016

And we can only hope that in heaven, you will be reunited with other dearly departed souls.

Sooo my blackberry bold died. I can't find anymore on ebay. I knew this day would come & to be honest I'm prepared. But the question is....
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) August 3, 2016

Yeezy's phone is survived by @kanyewest, the aforementioned Twitter account. He was only 5 years old at the time of death.

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In Loving Memory: Yeezy's Phone

In Loving Memory: Kanye West’s Phone

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