12 Celebs Who Should Have Been Sweaty But Were Not Sweaty

Every morning is becoming more and more of a challenge. I rise, ready to take on the day, only to look in my closet and think, What does one wear in 100-degree heat? And for that matter, how does one not shave one's entire head in the name of not having to deal with hair in this hot weather? While we're at it, how does anyone commute to work in the summer and arrive at the office not looking like they've just gone through a car wash?
I know you're probably saying out loud — in response to this content written by a total stranger — "It's impossible, Vanessa! Just give up!" But then I see that there's a subset of the human race who appear to have mastered this very technique. I'm talking about famous people who either paid to have their sweat glands removed, or who are blessed to have reached the the next phase of evolution, which somehow involves not sweating at all.
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This isn't a "celebs are just like us" story. Rather, it's an "I'm genuinely confused how these situations happened without buckets of perspiration" story.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
Normally, wearing a robe on the beach is a bad idea because of all the heat. But look at Champagne Papi, wearing a full-on fucking robe and not showing even the slightest glisten. It's not possible that sole glass of frozen cocktail is keeping him cool enough to pull this off. Yet, here we are.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
It's that part of the wedding when everyone's on the dance floor. Drinks have been drunk. Shoes are off. Hair is up. Everyone's chugging water because it's a big, sweaty mess out there.

Except for Sofia Vergara, who has somehow floated above the dance-floor slop-fest and looks perfectly beautiful. Her hair isn't even messed up.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
It is July. You think that's gonna stop Zendaya from wearing LEATHER pants and a shirt with lots of extra fabric? Of course not. Look at how flawlessly not sweaty this human is. Like, it might be chilly inside from the air conditioning, but I have a feeling these side-zip ventilation panels on the pants are gonna be the only thing keeping her alive.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
Emilia Clarke was literally JUST in a fire. Yeah, she's got some soot happening. But as you can see, not a drop of sweat. Flames, and no perspiration. Meanwhile, I'm within five feet of a birthday candle and my shirt is see-through.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
A sweatshirt in the dead of summer. Blake Lively doesn't give a hell.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
FKA Twigs' entire body is covered in what I assume is the coat of a now-extinct, shaggy animal. But not a drop on her!
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Photo: Via Instagram.
Killing it on the court AND Beyoncé's watching you. No perspiration in sight on Serena.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
"Summer night out," Kourtney Kardashian writes. "How do you not have pit stains?" I write.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
When you're wearing pants and you're in a tiny-as-hell office with the Zuck and he just keeps TALKING about technology so your blood is probably boiling and if you notice it's like almost 2 p.m. so it's also the hottest part of the day and how can Selena Gomez even breathe in that space?
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Photo: Via Instagram.
This cow, who's about to receive a kiss from one Chris Hemsworth, is not only sweat-free about it, but has managed not to collapse.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
Gigi, Cara, and Taylor are all miraculously dry even though it's a scorcher. MUST BE NICE.
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Photo: Via Instagram.
All I'm saying is that if I were standing next to Regina Hall, Lupita Nyong'o, and Gabrielle Union, I would be a soggy mess. Good job, Bill Murray.
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