On Wednesday, rumors spread about whether or not Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris were still a couple. Neither Swift nor Harris has addressed it, and at this point it can only be acknowledged as gossip from undisclosed sources.
Regardless of whether the two artists are still an item or not, the public has chosen its reaction. It's mostly been jokes about how the breakup will make for a killer Swift album. But nestled in between those musings is a very real sentiment that the Swift-Harris split was inevitable, because no one wants to date a cat lady.
The cat lady is probably the most mythical creature of our time. She is over 40. She lives alone, not by choice, but because no man will have her. She owns a minimum of five cats, who satisfy both the human-pet relationship and the role of confidant. And though the cats have become glorified on the internet and single women are more numerous and powerful than ever, Swift's cats Meredith and Olivia have been turned against her. What was once an example of how dorky and relatable and cool Swift was is now the reason she's been dumped by Harris.
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No wonder Taylor Swift gets dumped. She likes cats. #singleforever
— Gina Bruno (@gina_bruno) November 2, 2013
@taylorswift13 Are you ok? Maybe Adam doesn't like your cats... I'm waiting for a new future song ?
— A L B A-TROS (@AlbaCuack) June 2, 2016
Not only are her cats the reason she was allegedly dumped, but Twitter users now recommend that Swift achieve her full form as a cat lady and go home and seek solace with her feline friends — and maybe a pint of ice cream.
I don't think Taylor Swift should date anyone but a bag of Taco Bell and her cats for a while.
— Kat Bee (@katbeee) June 1, 2016
@taylorswift13 go eat some Ben and Jerrys and snuggle w/ your cats. Love u.
— Tor Xx (@toriafi) June 2, 2016
And hey, maybe she will write a killer album. But she's not allowed to be sad! She made a social contract to be a cat lady, and she must follow through.
At least she'll always have the cats. #TaylorSwift #shakeitoff
— Mandy Pepperidge (@mandypeps) June 2, 2016
So, there you have it. Swift was dumped because society dictates that she must be alone forever. And just in case you were thinking this is a one-time instance, you can rest assured that she will repeatedly get her heart broken — all because she has a couple of furry friends.
I can't wait till Taylor Swift gets older and starts writing break up songs about being dumped for owning too many cats.
— CoreyRadio (@CoreyRadio) January 12, 2013