You Can Now Buy Bacon-Scented Underwear

We've smelled a lot of dank fragrances in our beauty lifetimes. Remember that time Lady Gaga requested that her new perfume smell like blood and semen? Or when Tom Ford came out with a cocaine-inspired fragrance (or so they say)? Well, one company — a food company, at that — just upped the ante on odd-but-intriguing smells by a lot. J&D's Foods, which mainly specializes in bacon-inspired products, has just launched the one item every meat lover should have on her or his wish list this holiday: bacon-scented underwear. "Marrying the ultimate in comfort and cured meat, J&D's Bacon Scented Underwear represents the gold standard of meat-scented luxury undergarments. It's like a hot frying pan in your pants," the description on the company's site reads. "Science tells us that 45% of Canadians prefer bacon to sex — and now, new generations of Canadians won't have to choose. Because with Bacon Scented Underwear, you won't know where breakfast ends and your lover starts." The undergarments clock in at an affordable $19.99 and are available for both lady and gent bacon-lovers. But before you pick up a pair, heed the site's warning: "If you have a large dog with razor sharp teeth, please do not fall asleep in J&D's Bacon Scented Underwear," it reads. The brand also recommends that "mail carriers, zookeepers, veterinarians, dog catchers and walkers, and circus performers (especially lion tamers)," should pass on the undergarments, for obvious reasons. Yes, it's absurd. But who in their right mind wouldn't want to smell like the most incredible edible creation around? Nobody? That's what we thought. J&D's Foods Bacon-Scented Underwear For Women, $19.99, available at J&D's Foods.