The New McDonald's Happy Meal Mascot Is Scary — & Hilarious

You don't need us to tell you that fast food is bad for you — and for the planet. From Super Size Me to Fast Food Nation to Food, Inc. to Fed Up, movies and the media have relayed the horror stories over and over again. Just this morning, a high-ranking U.N. official declared today's calorie-laden foods to be just as bad as cigarettes.

So, who could really blame McDonald's for wanting to step up its marketing game? Last month, the global burger behemoth unveiled a revamped (and genuinely frightening) new Ronald McDonald. But, it didn't stop there: Yesterday, the company announced a new marketing initiative revolving around "Happy," a walking, talking Happy Meal thing with cute little shoes and terrifying dead eyes. Behold the strange, be-dentured creation below.

According to the Mickey D's presser, Happy is "a new animated Happy Meal® character that brings fun and excitement to kids’ meals while also serving as an ambassador for balanced and wholesome eating." And, don't worry, y'all: McDonald's has seen Super Size Me, too: "Happy will encourage kids to enjoy fruits, vegetables, low-fat dairy, water, and juice."

Now, maybe I have no soul, but I think it's pretty funny that this is the best option to come out of what was undoubtedly millions upon millions of marketing dollars. Ultimately, though, that's probably a good thing for our kids' health — it's hard to imagine this guy selling too many Happy Meals.