O Rihanna, Where Hast Thou Gone?

Oh Rihanna — dear, sweet, sweet RiRi — where were you at the Grammy Awards? A congratulations is in order for winning Best Urban Contemporary Album for Unapologetic. It was a true gem with the ability to carry us Navy members through a year sans new material. Had she been at this year's ceremony, however, the general public's mediocre reaction to the 30-minutes-too-long show might've veered towards the positive spectrum. That, or she would've spoken for us all with one simple reaction-GIF-worthy expression.

Instead, she was m.i.a., probably unapologetically romping around in something either closely resembling her wardrobe-malfunction-waiting-to-happen frock at Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party (above) or something equally as, erm, stunning. Was she lost in a hopeless place? We were under the impression that she found love there, which, correct us if we're wrong, nixes the whole "-lessness" from "hope-." Even her billowy yellow robe and Angie Leg syndrome had us crossing our fingers she'd levitate step foot on the red carpet and take sartorial gold (no outfit pun intended). But, alas, her heavenly ways rihsisted our wishes and left us downtrodden in a ceremony that was, yes, without hope.

Not to sound selfish, but, uh, we're expecting a spectacle next year for ditching us this time around. Perhaps by then she'll have acquired the angel wings she rightly deserves and doesn't merely arrive at the Grammys, but transcends above them in a swirl of #clapbacks, Instagram filters, legal smoke, and diamonds. (E!)