Cher Blasts Miley's VMA Performance, Has Twitter Meltdown

Please, world, never take away Cher's keyboard. Let this woman continue to pen the most amazing series of sentences the English language has seen since William Burroughs pasted together Naked Lunch in the midst of opiate withdrawal. But first, let us back up. The sexagenarian muse of gypsies, tramps, and thieves recently spoke with USA Today about Miley Cyrus' deathless VMA performance. Cher, who more or less invented appearing mostly naked on stage, was not impressed. "She can't dance, her body looked like hell, the song wasn't great, one cheek was hanging out," she said. "And, chick, don't stick out your tongue if it's coated." Ooh, girl.

But now the Dark Lady is feeling a little bit of remorse, and perhaps the rage of Miley's fans. She's taken to Twitter, with both her handlers and her spell check nowhere in sight, semi-apologizing to Ms. Cyrus, who Cher repeatedly refers to as "MS." Here are a few choice tweets:

"I didn't keep my big Opinionated mouth Shut.WTF is MY PROBLEM ! I'm 2 Old to fall prey 2"Tell us, Oh wise 1,What did YOU think of M.S ?"

"What I should have said,"I didn't like it that much,but she's Pushing The Envelope,being an ARTIST ! She's Talented,& DIDNT COMMIT A FELONY"

"WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT. Ps this is Not an apology 4 what I Thought,its a Reminder,that if I don't practice my principles,I loose Them" (USA Today)