We're all familiar with little white lies. We've probably all told some. In fact, recent research reveals that, on average, we lie to our significant others three times per week.
Sometimes, twisting the truth is necessary in relationships — like when you’re trying to spare your partner’s feelings, avoid embarrassing him or her, or attempting to prevent a dumb argument over something genuinely trivial.
But never make the mistake of thinking that all lies are created equal. Even when spilling the truth feels scary as hell, here are some big things you should never lie about — because not keeping it real on these points kills otherwise great relationships.
But never make the mistake of thinking that all lies are created equal.
When You’ve Cheated
The most common lies couples tell revolve around affairs. (No surprise there.) However, lying on top of cheating just makes everything so much worse. Sure, you feel the need to "protect your partner" (which we all know means protecting yourself). Then there's the worry that spilling the truth could unravel your relationship. But by being dishonest, you’re doing nothing but perpetuating deception. And doesn’t your partner deserve better?
The good news is that infidelity is not always a deal breaker. In fact, studies show that relationships have a greater chance of surviving when the cheating spouse owns up to it. So, bite the bullet, come clean, and get some counseling to resolve the issues that led you to stray. Then, get to work rebuilding trust and intimacy with your significant other.
The good news is that infidelity is not always a deal breaker.
According to research, a whopping 70% of women fake orgasm during vaginal intercourse. Seriously? I'm not claiming that sex has to be off-the-hook-amazing all the time, but lying about a lack of fulfillment between the sheets is mind-boggling. Simply because: If you don't admit that something (or everything) your partner is doing isn't working, how will he or she ever figure out what does work?
I understand your reluctance to speak up, for fear of crushing your partner's ego, but trust me, he or she derives pleasure from your pleasure.
The best approach here is to find a sexy way to communicate your desires. If your partner does something that rocks your world, let him or her know. Then, that move is sure to become part of your shared sexual repertoire. As for sub-par moves that just don't turn you on? Try whispering, “Can we try something different?" Or gently guide your partner's hand or mouth elsewhere, and make it clear that that drives you crazy with desire.
If you don't admit that something (or everything) your partner is doing isn't working, how will he or she ever figure out what does work?
Related: 6 Messed Up Things That Master Manipulators Do
What You're Spending
Those pricey designer pumps you claimed you snagged for half-price, the secret bank account your partner doesn't know about, the personal credit card balance you hide? According to a recent survey, conducted by the National Endowment for Financial Education, one in three adults who have combined their money in a relationship fib about finances.
Bad idea, since financial infidelity can wreak havoc on your relationship. In one poll, 67% of couples said that financial deception led to arguments, while 42% said it caused less trust in the relationship. Even worse, a Kansas State University study found that bickering over bucks is the top predictor of divorce — regardless of a couple's income, debt, or net worth.
I agree with Deborah Price, author of The Heart of Money, who insists that "Most money problems aren't actually about money; they're symptoms, and the problems are truly about something else." So, have an open and honest discussion about your finances to figure out what’s at the root of any money "evils," and find solutions you can both get on board with. Then, work as a team — even if it means getting financial counseling — to get back on track. 'Til debt do you part.
Next: Are These The Secrets To A Happy Relationship?