5 Things I Want My Ex-BFF To Know

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.

By Alex Alexander

All good things must come to an end. We may not be BFFs anymore, but I still have a few things to tell you.

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of acquaintances. I don’t say "friends" because I think true friends are hard to come by. I’ve been lucky to have several friends over the years, a few of them besties.

Granted, my bestie from the first grade is no longer my go-to person for all things New Kids On The Block-related (although she probably should be). We lost touch years ago, and I’m totally okay with that — although I did feel some nostalgia about her when I attended the NKOTB reunion tour last year.

Making friends is just another part of life — and so is losing them. Some fall through the cracks when someone moves away, while others stop speaking to us when they discover we didn’t vote for the same presidential candidate. Then there are those friendships you terminate on your own. Maybe it’s because you don’t like them anymore. Maybe it’s because you’ve drifted and you don’t have things in common like you used to. Or maybe you just don’t have time for them anymore.

Regardless of the reason, your friendships can sometimes come to an abrupt halt because someone wants to break up. I’ve been the one on the breaking-up end with someone I once called a bestie. It wasn’t working for me anymore, and I ended it.

So, I’ve decided to write a note to that ousted bestie. I have no idea where she is, so she will probably never see this, but if she does, here are a few things I’d like her to know.

Related: 21 Inspiring Quotes About Friends from Books We Love

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.

1. I’m sorry I hurt you.

When I ended things, it wasn’t because you didn’t have value as a person. I just didn’t see the value in continuing our friendship. Friendships are about enjoying each other’s company and gaining strength and support from each other. I stopped getting those things from you, and it didn’t feel right to continue on pretending like I did. But, I realize that probably hurt you, and for that, I'm sorry. Although I didn’t want to continue our friendship, that doesn’t mean I wished you any pain. If I’ve caused you that, I’m truly sorry.

2. I cherish our time together.
When I think back to some of the crazy things we did, I laugh and think of you fondly. I don’t harbor any bad feelings towards you or the time we spent together. Quite the contrary; I realize there was a time when you were one of the most important people in my life, and there’s nothing that will take that away. I'm thankful for that time.

3. I hope you’ve found an amazing BFF.
Although I don’t want to be your BFF, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve one. You absolutely do. I hope you’ve found someone who listens to your stories, laughs at your jokes, and tells you when those 8-inch heels you're so fond of are just a smidge too tall for that dress. Everyone deserves to have a best friend who loves them unconditionally. That isn’t me, but I hope it’s someone. And that someone is lucky.

Related: 10 Things Your Friend With Anxiety Wants You To Know

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.

4. I don’t regret it.

I don’t regret breaking up with you. I hate that I caused you pain and unhappiness, and I agree I could have ended things differently, but the fact remains that I’m not sorry I ended things. Life changes, and so do people. Those BFF necklaces everyone had when we were kids lie. Most people don’t stay best friends forever.

Relationships change as people grow and evolve. We both grew and evolved, and it wasn’t in the same direction. For that reason, I’m not sorry we broke up, and I’d do it again if given the choice.

5. You helped make me the woman I am.
Our time together taught me valuable things about myself. I learned that I look amazing in fake eyelashes if they're applied correctly. I also learned that I’m not nearly as good at karaoke as I think I am. But, you also taught me to have more confidence in myself, and to never let anyone make me feel inadequate. I’m better because of our time together, and I hope you can say the same.

So, if you’re out there, ex-bestie, I hope you know that although I don’t regret breaking ties, you still mean something to me and I wish you well. And every time I wear fake eyelashes, I think of you.

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