Today, while cruising Urban Outfitters, we came upon this poor, possibly orphaned woman, who tragically had to cut away the thighs of her own jeans to fashion a cape to keep her warm. Just kidding — these weird window pants are actually summer's cool, new denim trend, and they're showing up everywhere. They're sort of a jorts-jeans hybrid and feature large, gaping holes where fabric really ought to be. We're reminded of Mitch Hedberg's joke about the stamp on a KitKat bar: "That robs you of chocolate!" This trend robs us of a not-inconsiderable amount of pants.
After years of sanded, whiskered, faded, and torn denim, surely the faux-distressed look has officially reached its apogee here. Fabric literally does not get more distressed than this. Actually, we don't get more distressed than this, when we're asked to don an item that opens up literal portholes onto our insecurities. More power to you if you feel awesome about your thighs, but for this writer, they are the part of my body that is most often pasty, chubby, and unshaven. Until I possess the slim, muscular thighs of a woman who eats salad for dinner and does squats for dessert, I'm probably going to give this style a pass.