5 Ridiculous Tips To Make Your Arms Literally Disappear In Photos

AWang_NinaW23_NinaWesterveltPhotographed by Nina Westervelt.
Reductress is the first and only satirical women's magazine, taking on the best and worst of women's media, marketing, and consumer culture. Their words of wisdom are not to be taken seriously.
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Do you look at photos of yourself and only see your disgusting, arm-like arms looking like they would have the strength to pick something up? Then the skinny arm just isn’t enough for you! Follow these five easy tips and your photos will scream, “I don’t have any arms!”
Always take photos in groups of three.
Does your grandma want a photo of you and her at her 90th birthday party? Too bad, Grandma, you no longer take two-person photos. Grab her and a random waiter and pretend you love them by throwing your arms around their backs before anyone starts snapping photos. Now, when you show your future children this special keepsake of you, Grandma, and the guy who suggested the veal, you’ll look beautiful and armless — especially compared to your grandma’s visible, decaying old-lady arm.
Carry a giant vase.
When your bestie pulls out her iPhone to snap an ussie, turn to the side and place your giant vase in front of your body as you shrink yourself into a ball to hide behind it. Your Facebook friends will definitely be jealous of your new disembodied-head-coming-out-of-a-vase look!
Green Screen
A simple green screen with some green sleeves are the easiest way to get rid of those pesky arms in photos. Sure, green might not be in this season, but neither are your nauseating arms!
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Only take photos in those life-size cardboard cutouts with a face hole.
To a semi-blind person, it’ll look like the milk maiden’s two dimensional arms belong to you, which is a big two-dimensional improvement on your bone-filled, skin-covered, muscle-having human arms. Is it weird? Maybe. Are your arms hidden? Exactly.
Cut off your arms.
If you’re ready to really commit and stay ahead of the trend, just hack them off with a table saw. Without those pesky limbs, you’ll have nothing to hold you back. Having no arms may affect your career and dating life, but you’ll definitely stand out in photos.
Follow these tips and everyone will be asking, “What did you do to get that perfect lack of arms?”