You call yourself Doctor M., and your site talks about the therapeutic qualities of your work. What makes you qualified?
Dr. M: "Technically speaking, I have no official credentials. It's not like you can get a state sanctioned certification in happy ending massage. I am basically self-taught and apply the knowledge I've gained performing sensual bodywork on hundreds of women. And, while I am known as 'The Doctor,' clients are well aware that I am neither an actual physician nor a licensed massage therapist. The bottom line is, when a client walks out of a session feeling vibrant and alive with a smile on her face and a spring in her step, that, I would say, is a certified therapeutic experience."
What’s your typical client like?
"Over the past eight-and-a-half years I've seen women as young as 19 and as old as 61. Most, however, tend to be in their early 30s. My guess is that's around the age women become more comfortable with their bodies. The women who visit me are not sex addicts or anything like that. They work very hard as lawyers, project managers, business owners, graphic artists, and other professions, and they are stressed. Time and again I hear clients say, 'I've been a good girl all my life. This is so out of character for me, I can't believe I'm doing this.'"
Break down a normal session for us.
"Upon arriving at my New York City home studio, I'll first chat with a new client for 10 or 20 minutes as she gets comfortable with me and the surroundings. I'll explain what she can expect over the course of the hour, and also try to determine what she hopes to achieve from the session. Clients, knowing they are essentially anonymous, usually feel comfortable enough to open up and speak very candidly about their most personal intimacies. By understanding what makes each client tick, I get a better roadmap of how to proceed.
Next, I'll show the client to the changing room where she'll disrobe and slip on a disposable paper gown. Upon her return she'll lay face down on the massage table and we'll begin. Lights will be dimmed, candles will be burning, and soft or ambient music playing."
How do you know when someone’s ready to transition into the happy ending portion of a massage?
"My sensual massages are a slow process of building up sexual energy and arousal. Using coconut oil, I begin with a full body rubdown, stroking every part of the body but the most sensitive. Reading her body language, after about 20 minutes, I'll notice both subtle and not-so-subtle signals indicating the client is now warmed up and receptive to more intimate touch. Signs of readiness could include hushed moans, heavier breathing patterns, parting or the legs, and a slight elevation of the butt with slow gyrations that mimic the rhythm of my strokes."
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Are some of your clients in relationships?
"Most are single, but the client base really runs the gamut from those in steady relationships, married women, engaged women, and mothers. There have even been a few orthodox Jewish women including one regular, a very pretty young mother of five."
Does the orthodox woman come to you as a way of rebelling against her lifestyle?
"I’ve never pressured her as to why she visits. My guess is that she has a very strong sex drive which may not be getting fulfilled at home."
So, it’s definitely a social risk for some. What do you think the allure is for women?
"I think women have long been curious about happy ending massages but have had few if any options. Finally, here's a clean, safe, respectful environment. No drama, no complications. The focus is always on them without pressure to do anything other than lay back, enjoy, and be sexually pampered like they’re at a spa.
There are numerous reasons why women find this appealing: Some have recently ended relationships, miss the intimacy, but are not ready to date again. Others are in relationships but not sexually satisfied due to selfish or clueless partners. Others are simply horny and tell me if they don't do something about it, they're going to bust. For all these women, I offer a safe, viable option that makes way more sense than going home with some sloppy drunk person from a bar.
Then there are others women have sexual concerns or curiosities that they are too embarrassed to discuss with friends or a real doctor. I often hear everything from: 'I’m not sure I've ever had an orgasm. And I want to know what one feels like,' to, 'I've seen videos of female ejaculation, but have never experienced squirting myself. I want to see if this is something I'm capable of.'"
"Absolutely. Clients' attitudes are, when it comes to happy endings, why should men have all the fun? With nearly 300 individual clients to date, many of whom are regulars, there's obviously a strong demand for this kind of thing. I think there was an episode on Sex in the City years ago that brought female happy endings to the public consciousness. However, I'll be the first to admit there will always to be a portion of the female population skeeved out by the idea. It's definitely not for everyone. But, there are A LOT of women who have been wondering about a service like this for a long time without knowing where to turn."
Where’d you learn your technique?
"From my earliest intimate experiences as a teenager, I've always been told I have a natural intuitive touch. Without giving up my trade secrets, one thing I'd like to share is that when it comes to sex, hands and fingers don't get enough credit. Hands have built intricate structures and crafted beautiful art. They are eminently flexible and dexterous and when used skillfully, can pleasure women in ways that the penis can't."
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Do clients ever reciprocate, or do you have a policy against that?
"I never expect or demand any type of reciprocation from clients. But for some women, it heightens the experience to know I'm getting aroused too. For some women, getting others off is just as hot as getting off themselves, and they have asked if they can 'return the favor.' I aim to please and I'll try to accommodate, within reason, whatever it is a client would like me to do to enhance their experience or bring a fantasy to life. My policy is that any type of 'extras' such as therapies that go beyond the use of my hands, need to be explicitly requested, which I then consider on a case-by-case basis."
It says on your website that you’re selective about your clients. Do you just accept the women who you’re attracted to?
"Women don't need to be supermodels to visit Her Private Pleasures. But I do insist they be height-weight proportional. I know some may find it insensitive, but I won't see anyone who is grossly overweight. I will also pass on anyone who emails me with a one sentence request, an incoherent message, refuses to voice verify, or demands their boyfriend be there to watch. So yes, I'm selective."
After they’ve made it through your vetting process, what’s the weirdest thing that's ever happened during a session?
"When I first started, sessions were more focused on doctor/patient role play with sensual massage as the 'treatment.' Of course, there are those that want to be blindfolded or restrained. Recently, one young girl requested a 'sexual physical' which was 'required by the board of admissions to the college she was applying to.' It's all kinky good fun and as long as everything is safe and consensual, why not?"
Have you ever started seeing one of your clients, or is it all business?
"Basically, it's all business. I doubt many women would want to get serious with a guy whose part-time job it is to manually pleasure other women. Unless they could cast aside their jealousies for the prospect of amazing orgasms on a regular basis."
Do you have relationships on the side, then? Do you ever plan to settle down, stop the massaging, and get married?
"Yes, I definitely do want to get married sooner than later, and there will probably come a point when I 'retire.' Unless I meet someone who is comfortable with this. Amazingly, I did about a year ago and we were involved pretty seriously. But the relationship ended after nine months for unrelated reasons."
So, you’re a straight guy who seems like he’d do fine out there dating. What do you get out of giving happy ending massages?
"I love women. I love the way they look, the way they feel, the way they think, everything. To me, there's nothing quite as gratifying as helping a woman reach a heightened state of orgasmic bliss. It's fascinating and rewarding work. And, I'd be lying if I said I didn't get turned on by each and every session."
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This post was authored by Kate Hakala.
Nerve, the cultural center of the web for sex and relationships, was one of the first online destinations to open the conversation on erotica in a candid, empowering way. Now, they're bringing their smart, fearless take on everything from orgasmic meditation to the world's weirdest sex rituals to R29.