Dating Guru Patti Stanger Spills Her Newest Dating Dos & Don'ts

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[UPDATE: This story was originally published on February 7].

You couldn't pay us to be a part of Patti Stanger's on-air cattle call, or surrender ourselves to a tongue-lashing by the tough cookie (we're not sure we could stick to her two-drink rule!), but Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker is one of our guiltiest pleasures on the boob tube. In a city like L.A., where connecting with men is harder than getting cell service in Laurel Canyon, Patti's passion prescriptions hold major weight. And whether you love this tell-it-like-it-is romance doctor or not, you can't argue with her overwhelming success rate. So, just in time for V-Day, we've wrangled Hollywood's number one wing woman to spill her secrets on successful dating and mating. From a pre-date prep checklist to full-on husband-hunting how-tos, here's all the dish you could possibly want from the Left Coast's most major matchmaker. Take it or leave it, but seriously, aren't you dying to know?

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Photo: Courtesy of NBC.
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Photo: Courtesy of NBC Universal.

What's the one dating mistake you think people make too often?
"People really need to look under the hood of the car more, and not focus just on looks and clothing — they have to start considering the entire enchilada! In the end, it’s all about compatibility."

What are the five things every girl should do to prep for a big date?
"Definitely shower, ha! Get your hair in order, your nails done, and a bikini wax is essential. There’s nothing like feeling sexy downstairs to get a date started off on the right foot. Seriously."

What do you recommend we do to beat those pre-date jitters?
"I strongly believe in meditation. But you should definitely work out, take a hot bath, and have a good glass of wine to relax — basically anything you can do to pamper yourself. I’m also a big fan of acupuncture, lately."

Should we be Facebook or Google stalking these men before we meet them?
"Never, it’s Satanic! If you need to Google someone, it means you’re suspicious. However, if they’re not recommended by a friend or family member, you have to do your due diligence. BUT get your 411 on the phone. NO texting, ever! Tell him from the get-go, 'I prefer you call me.' It sets a bad tone from the beginning to not have real personal contact when you go the texting route."
RS-NUP_145036_0004What are the biggest red flags to watch out for on a date?
“He shouldn’t constantly talk about dating woes, or badmouth other women whatsoever. If he negatizes the ex, it usually opens the floodgates for overall nastiness. If he talks about the check, get the eff out of there immediately! And obviously, if he brags or puts you to sleep, that's a bad sign, too!"

What's the most alluring thing a woman can do to turn on a potential beau, on a date?
"Make sure your teeth are clean and white, and SMILE. Sometimes it’s not about talking at all, just smiling. It’s almost like the signal animals send in the wild to tell him he’s doing well. And make sure to listen. Conversation should be a tennis match; he serves twice, you volley once."

Is it ever okay for us to ask about the possibility of a next date?
"Absolutely not. The number one rule with men is to let them lead! Don’t even text him after dinner to thank him. Express how grateful you are with a hug or kiss on the actual date, not afterwards. It's important for him to be the one initiating the follow-up, always."

You champion waiting for monogamy before doing the deed, but just how far can we go before we've sealed the whole "he's my boyfriend" deal?
"None of the three holes can be used! You can get naked and roll around, but keep up your boundaries. Kissing and necking can go a long way. We have a lot to learn from the Mormons, ha! Grinding is totally okay, but make sure you trust him before even going there — we must always be mindful of the rape factor."

Photo: Courtesy of NBC Universal.
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Photo: Courtesy of NBC Universal.

What are your favorite Valentine's Day spots around the city?
"If you're wealthy enough to plan a big night out, anywhere near the water like Geoffreys is good, or The Cliff's Edge in Silver Lake is really romantic, too. But if you don't have a lot of spare money to spend, it can be so special to spend an evening at home and cook."

What's on your sexy-time playlist?
"I love some tough Pink, "Express Yourself" by Madonna (I’m a Madonna obsessive), the new Adele is amazing, Sarah Bareilles, Enya, and Enigma is a great middle ground because it’s rock and spiritual. It's hard to find the beats both guys and girls like, and that's a good one to please everyone."

In ten words or less, what do men want?
"Guys want Madonna in the bedroom, Martha Stewart in the kitchen, and Mary Poppins in the nursery."

Where can we go for more advice from you?
"On Fridays you can ask me anything on Twitter, @pattistanger, my online dating website PSxoxo is full of tips and tricks, and women love my new e-book Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate so much, it's really been blowing up."