There's a fine line when it comes to pressure. You don't want to go light, but at the same time, you don't want to overdo it and hurt someone. "Pressure that is too light or inconsistent can be as uncomfortable as too much pressure," says Stein. "Be sure to use an even amount — not too hard and not too light." Stein says it's actually better to start out somewhat lightly and ask if they want more, then gently increase your strength until the recipient indicates that pressure is strong enough.

"A massage should be relaxing and focused, not irritating," says Stein. "You also want to stay away from bones. By pressing hard on the skin just over a bone, you're going to cause pain, not pleasure." Unless you know your human anatomy, she says, you're probably not going to know where those bones are. Her suggestion? Before you begin rubbing an area, make sure that the tissue below the skin is soft. Press your fingers into your relaxed stomach. This softness tells you that there are no bones below your fingers — only organs. "You don't want to press into an area like this very hard," she cautions. "On the other hand, when you press your fingers into your thigh, you can feel how firm the tissue feels there. This is because of the underlying bone. When you're massaging the back, shoulders, legs or arms, look for this firmness as a good place to work."

So, how do you know how much pressure is right? "Rub your fingers gently over the skin of your arm," says Stein. "Now, press harder and move the skin without dragging your fingers across it. This is the difference between caressing and a massage. Remember that massages are for muscles below the skin — not for the skin itself. You want a deep, penetrating effect — not something superficial. This is because the nerves in the skin tire very quickly."

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