Homemade Mozzarella: Is It Worth It?

Photo: Courtesy of Davide Luciano/Impatient Foodie.
As the founder and writer of Impatient Foodie, a food blog that navigates her desire to eat "good" food (delicious, healthy, and responsibly sourced) while balancing her severe impatience and goldfish like attention span, Elettra Wiedemann shares recipes she has created and/or tested herself that impatient cooks all over the world can easily (and quickly!) recreate.

Wouldn’t it be so lovely and impressive for the photo above to be homemade mozzarella that I made with my own two hands? But, no… Guys, I have devastating news: Making mozzarella totally sucks. All the online videos and blogs that I researched made this process look so easy and blissful. I was psyched! Mozzarella is one of my favorite things in the world.

As I was gathering and sourcing the ingredients, I was imagining showing up at a dinner party with my mozzarella loaf. (Who needs mozzarella balls when you can make mozzarella LOAF, right?) My friends would be soo impressed and I would feel great about myself, my life, and, obviously, my incredible cooking skills. This dream, sadly, will never be realized.
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Now granted, our first mozzarella batch was ruined by the fact that I unknowingly used a reactive pot. The pot was just plain steel and I assumed that it would be fine, but it was most definitely not fine, my friends. My self-esteem started to erode when my curd would not form properly. Full-on panic set in when I tasted a piece of the mozzarella and it was so squeaky that I couldn’t hear what my friend was saying three feet away from me. Like, I literally had to stop chewing to hear what she was saying… 

Once we figured out that the pot was at fault, we set out (in the rain!) to buy a non-reactive one. I don’t ever accept defeat easily. The Homemade Mozzarella Dream, achieved by so many, would be mine!
I started the second batch with high spirits. We followed the ingredients and preparation instructions to the letter for a second time. This time, the curd did form and it was glorious! We were jumping up and down squealing, “This is worth it! This is worth it!” But, when the time came to start kneading, stretching, and forming the pieces, it all went pear-shaped (again). We could not get the proper shape or shine, and the DAMN squeakiness/mouth consistency thing was still an issue (why?) Not to mention the taste (ugh). We kneaded and stretched more.

We vigilantly kept our whey bath at 185 degrees. We tenderly placed our mozzarella in the hot bath until it just started to melt so that we could knead and stretch more. We even cooed at the damn mozzarella…

But, it was all fucked.

After we had tried desperately to knead our second batch, my friend (who is a super-talented cook, I might add) looked at me and said, “This is SO not worth it.” I had to agree. Here's our guide to attempting an at-home mozz loaf of your own:

Steps:
1. Source a bunch of hard-to-find ingredients online.
2. Make sure you have a non-reactive pot.
3. Cry.

Verdict: Not Worth It