"The naked form — it divides us. It splits us into two groups: 'I'm gonna let it all hang out the way the good Lord intended' and 'Tobias Fünke knew what he was talking about.' While I tend to fall into the latter category, I can't help but try everything in my power to persuade my mother to give me her naked lady necklace. This has been going on for years. Perhaps it's because she feels a little risqué even owning it or because she has a deep, dark obsession with the female form (after all, she was an art teacher for almost 40 years). Whatever the reason, if it goes missing anytime soon, she should know what happened to it.
"It wasn't that I grew up in a sheltered, conservative home where we were hush-hush about sex and nudity. I've always felt close enough with my parents to ask them about the birds and the bees, but, I mean, it definitely wasn't dinner conversation. Nevertheless, there were some things that were withheld from me for (what I considered) way too long. One example: I wasn't allowed to watch Sex & The City until I was in college. Another example: I've always had a way-too-large collection of romance novels. One last example: I refused to use the technical terms for genitalia until well after I turned 20. None of this has to do with that necklace...or does it? As women, isn't it our job to appreciate and celebrate our bodies? I think so. 'Shake what your mama gave ya,' am I right? So, it goes to follow that we should illustrate our bodies with equal gusto, and if that means stealing your mother's prized pendant, then so be it.
"Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm the purveyor of all things revealing. There are times when I can barely look at my lumps and bumps in the mirror; maybe that is exactly why I would rather wear an image of a gorgeous female shape — the beloved hourglass — rather than expose my own. Maybe I've taken too many women's studies classes to know the real answer. Either way, Mom, you better keep that necklace under lock and key."