Hump, Marry, Kill TV Checklist: Our Love-Hate (Mostly Hate) Relationship With Kristen Schaal

For our weekly TV recap (fellow couch potatoes, this one's for you), we had our resident boob-tube addict Lauren Le Vine break down the week's TV happenings in a format you're all familiar with: Hump, Marry, or Kill. Ahead, she talks about the moments that led to her subsequent lust, love, and hatred for three of the characters from your favorite shows.
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Hump: This was a close one. We all know that in the long run, Schmidt from New Girl is total marriage material. I mean, he’s neurotic – but charmingly so; cute – but not in an intimidating way; and knows how to cook and clean – but not in a Howie Mandel OCD way; and basically every mother’s dream. The reason he landed this week’s bang box is because Cece keeps coming back for more Schmidt sex despite the fact that the thought of anyone finding out mortifies her. If a model that could have anyone keeps going back to Schmidt, I kind of want to see what the fuss is about.
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Marry: This is kind of cheating, but I’d totally marry Max (Adam Pally) from Happy Endings. I know, I know: He’s gay…but we’d have so much fun together! In this week’s episode, Max tries to make jokes in a Staten Island accent and ends up “going full Pacino.” Nothing like a self-aware impression parody — right, ladies? We also learn that during Max’s brief stint as a waiter, he got caught trying to resell rib-eyes on the steak black market? He’s just so entrepreneurial. What a catch.
Kill: Kristen Schaal’s character on 30 Rock. This was another tough one. On one hand, Kristen Schaal rocks on The Daily Show. On the other, her 30 Rock character says things like, “The U.S. Rodeo association does not lift lifetime bans” and “I’ll take care of Tracey and Jenna like they’re my own children – which is weird because I left my kids at a Sears in 2004.” A little later, she returned to that “joke” by telling someone far her superior: “Let’s go down to Sears…I’ll buy you a toy.” and “I am SAG-eligible, but I will only do nude stuff if the mirror is behind me.” Horrifying, right? She needs to go.
Above, from left: Photo: Courtesy of NBC; Photo: Courtesy of ABC; Photo Courtesy of @kristenschaaled
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