11 Tips To Give The Ultimate Blowjob

They say blowjobs are like flowers for men. While there are many things to dislike about this statement — not all people with penises are men, and we can think of a bunch of more exciting gifts to receive than flowers (chocolate? video games? weed?) — the saying isn't entirely wrong. When given to a deserving partner, blowjobs can be a selfless act of kindness to show your penis-owning lover how much you care about them.
Yes, selfless, because let's face it: While giving oral sex can be a major turn-on for both parties, having a penis shoved down your throat ain't easy. To quote Samantha from Sex and the City: "You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing."
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Fear not, penis lovers. This is one job you can definitely do, and well. And for all our queer friends — if you can master eating someone out, you can become a blowjob expert with little to no effort. Vulvas are far more complicated. Read on for a few suggestions that will help you give someone the blowjob of their lifetime.
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Communicate with your partner.

Master communication in your relationship and you'll never have to read another article about sex again. Of course, it's not always easy to talk openly about sexual preferences and desires. But for starters, know that it doesn’t have to sound clinical. ("Hey Brian, before I put my mouth on your genitals, do you prefer circular tongue motions around the penis head, or does vertical shaft strokes done manually work best to aid you in reaching orgasm?" No.) To learn what your partner enjoys best, simply make it sound a little dirty. While in the midst of hooking up, ask things like, "Do you like when I use my tongue like this?" or "Should I go faster, baby?" The word choice is up to you, but by naturally integrating it as part of hooking up, not only will you learn what your partner likes, but you'll further turn them on.
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Discuss what to do when they come.

As part of your BJ communication, before your partner is too close to climax to think clearly, decide where the semen is going to go. While oral sex does have a lower STI transmission rate than vaginal or anal sex, it can absolutely spread herpes and HPV. Having an open cut in your mouth and swallowing semen increases the risk for scarier STIs like HIV, so if you feel at all uncomfortable with swallowing, don't. Just ask your partner to finish elsewhere, like on your body or into a towel. Listen up: You're the one giving the blowjob, so you get to make the rules about where the semen goes.

FYI: If someone finishes somewhere you asked them not to, like in your mouth or on your face, it's beyond rude. In fact, some (raises hand) may view it as assault, depending on the circumstances.
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Get them hard.

If you're giving a blowjob to someone with a penis, rather than role-playing on a strap-on dildo (super fun and safe!) you'll want to get them past half mast to full sail — it's just easier to give oral sex to an erect penis. Luckily, putting a mouth on a penis often automatically has that effect, but to be an attentive partner, don't be shy with the foreplay.

Make out, kiss their neck, play with dirty talk, and gradually work your way down, kissing their stomach and right above their belt line, until they can’t wait any longer.
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Find a comfortable position.

Not just for the receiver — you should be comfy, too. After all, the more comfortable you are, the more endurance you'll have, and therefore you'll both have a more enjoyable experience. If your partner is seated and you're on the floor, prop a pillow under your knees.
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Tease them with your tongue.

Once you're both comfortable and the penis is erect, let the oral sex begin. A nice way to kick off a blowjob, after kissing down their body to tease and build anticipation, is gently running your tongue up the shaft of their penis, or in circular motions around the head. Try this for a minute or so before beginning full-on oral penetration. For many people with penises, the frenulum, or the underside of the head of the penis, is especially sensitive to tongue action.
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Start sucking.

After you've tortured teased your partner enough, start sucking. Make an "O" shape with your mouth, and begin sliding up and down along the shaft of their penis. Work on keeping a tight seal with your lips, as you use your tongue to glide up along their shaft. It may take a few bobs, but eventually, you'll find a pace and rhythm that works for you. While it's okay to switch up your technique, as a general rule of thumb, consistency works best when it comes to helping your partner reach orgasm.
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Use your hands.

The key to giving an A+ blowjob actually has nothing to do with your mouth, it's all about the hands. Imagine that your hand is simply an extension of your mouth. "Make an 'O' with your thumb and index, middle, and ring finger. Pinky stays up because, you know, you're classy! If the cock is huge, though, the whole hand works," said Mal Harrison, sexologist and director of the Center for Erotic Intelligence.

One other bonus: Using your hands allows you to provide your partner the full-touch sensation of deep-throating without the risk of invoking your gag reflex. Using hands during a blowjob also allows for something extremely necessary: coming up for air without disrupting sexual contact.
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Keep it wet.

A blowjob should not be tidy. While moving your mouth up and down over that penis, don't worry about looking pretty. Throw your hair up in a ponytail if it's long, and get sloppy. No one likes dry oral sex; it defeats the purpose. To get extra kinky: Pull your head away and spit directly on the penis.

If you begin to develop dry mouth, keep a glass of water handy nearby and take a break for sips as needed. Don't be scared to add a flavored lube to the blowjob to take some pressure off your saliva glands.
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Don't stress about deep-throating.

Deep-throating is infamous (pretty sure Richard Nixon never thought it would be part of his legacy, but there you go) but it’s not required. All non-teeth parts of your mouth feel soft and nice. While many people with penises think it’s hot visually to watch someone take an entire penis down their throat, or may even be turned on by the gagging noises associated (because it makes them feel like they're very well-endowed) if you can’t or don’t want to do it, fear not. You’ll still give a top-notch blowjob (and if you add hands, a full coverage one!) — and it's totally your call to forego the deep-throat.
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Explore other parts of their body.

Communicate first, as not all people with penises want their balls sucked or their butthole licked — but many do. If you get the green light from your partner and are into it, include all of their nether regions in your blowjob, from gently massaging their scrotum, to licking all the way from the head of their penis, down the shaft, across the perineum (taint), and ending with a gentle insertion of your tongue into their anus.
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Mind your teeth.

There’s a lot of fear-mongering about blowjobs being ruined by too much teeth, but this doesn’t happen that often in real life. When making the air-tight "O" shape with your mouth, you'll naturally find yourself wrapping your lips over your teeth and avoiding any horror movie-esque biting. Be mindful, but don’t stress about teeth so much that you ruin the mood for yourself, because you’re supposed to enjoy this too!

Also, talk to your partner. You could be surprised — it's rare, but some people with penises actually enjoy a little teeth.
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