The other night, something embarrassing happened. I jizzed my pants. Well, the female equivalent of it. There's this guy named Sean who I've had sexual tension with for years. Like, you could cut it with a knife. Up until recently, we've just been good friends with an unspoken desire to fuck each other's brains out. Simply sitting next to him in public gets me wet. Anyway, the other night he finally came home with me. We were making out on my couch, and I was sitting on his lap. I came. I mean, I came before we even really got to foreplay, let alone sex. His hands weren't even on my clit. This has happened to me once or twice before in my life. I'll be in a sexual situation and be so turned on that I'll have an orgasm before anything even happens below the belt. Usually, I just try to pretend like it didn't happen and continue hooking up (like I did recently with Sean), because coming this quickly seems a little embarrassing.
I realize that may sound like every woman's dream, and is a shitty thing to complain about when a lot of women can't have an orgasm at all, but I have to ask: Is this normal or am I a freak?
Captain Comes In Her Pants
Captain Comes In Her Pants
Dear Captain Comes In Her Pants,
If you're a freak, I'm a freak. Not too long ago, something similar happened to me. I was at a play (sex) party, so I had been around public sex for literally hours — which means I was very horny. As the party was winding down, I hooked up with a woman I met earlier in the night. We first began chatting about art and hit it off right away. But since I felt like a socially awkward teenager in her presence, I hid from her for a lot of the party. I was so attracted to her, it was as if I made her up in my head. I thought our sexual tension would cause the place to explode should we act on it.
I remember thinking, "I can't talk to this person, because I'm going to jizz myself the second she touches me." I was right. She grabbed my hand and led me to a bed. We made out for a long time, but never took off our underwear — and I came from dry humping alone. She wasn't even rubbing my clit! We were just making out and gyrating, and all of a sudden I felt an orgasm coming and thought, "Oh shit." I came and (like you) was a little embarrassed.
Granted, dry humping does involve some genital stimulation, so it's not a perfect parallel to your story. But I usually need intense direct clitoral stimulation with a hand or vibrator to get off. So, after I came, I told my new friend, "Oh my god, I came already. You must be magic." And honestly, she just seemed super flattered, and we continued hooking up.
While I understand your mortification, there's no reason to feel embarrassed. Many straight men, in particular, are obsessed with wanting to get women off, since it makes them feel like they're good in bed. And being good in bed can be an incredible ego boost (for anyone, not just straight men). Should this happen again with Sean, I think it's a great idea to tell him that he made you come so quickly — he'll be flattered. And since people with vaginas are capable of multiple orgasms, after you tell him and continue hooking up, you could even come again.
To make sure that we're not just both freaks, I asked a doctor if it's normal to come without direct genital stimulation. She has good news: We're normal! "There have been studies that show orgasm can be reached without necessarily directly stimulating the genitals," says Jessica Shepherd, MD, an Ob/Gyn at the University of Illinois at Chicago. "This is much more common in women and not often seen in men." The reason humans have this mystical ability is because the brain is the most powerful sex organ, Dr. Shepherd says. That's why you could come just by making out and sitting on Sean's lap after what sounds like literally years of fantasizing about him. It's also why I was able to have an orgasm while making out and gyrating with the woman of my dreams, even though I usually need much more than that to get off. Our brains were so aroused that our genitals climaxed like the chorus in a Katy Perry song.
And you're right: Some women have anorgasmia and can't reach orgasm at all. So I'd say you should consider your unexpected orgasms divine blessings, not sources for embarrassment. Also, it's worth mentioning that some women can come simply from nipple stimulation, so if your partner was fondling your breasts or nipples, that may have also contributed to your serendipitous orgasm.
So no, you're not a freak. Well, you might be, but that's a good thing.