I’m no angel here, I’ve done my share of gossiping, but it has never made me feel better, improved my circumstances or changed my life in a positive way. It actually has the opposite affect. Here’s why:
Gossip is alluring. It makes you feel a connection to the ones you are gossiping with. In the immediate sense, it can have a sense of validation and makes you feel better about yourself while putting others down.
However, gossip says more about the person saying it than the target. We gossip to feel powerful, because we feel powerless or unworthy, and it reveals the insecurity of the person speaking. It is a sign of jealousy, anger, or fear. It serves as indirect revenge, because it is something we can’t do or say directly. When you unleash your inner critic, you are the one that seems untrustworthy. The last person you will want to trust is the critic, because people that gossip will also talk about you.
This false sense of power and connection does not leave you feeling good. Energetically speaking, when you converse in a positive way, you gain energy; when you converse in a negative way, you lose energy because what you are giving out to the universe comes back to you. Words (and thoughts) have energy which help to create your future, so what you say is very important. If you tend to be negative, that’s what you will experience. I know gossiping is not an easy habit to break, but wouldn’t you rather attract positive things like power, confidence, or abundance in your life?
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Consider the company you keep. Are the people around you bringing you down or uplifting you? A way to test this is to check your energy level after you leave a person — do you feel energized or as if you’ve been zapped and left drained? You should feel better about yourself after being with someone.
If you are repeating a story about someone, stop and think: What is the root of the problem here? Is it something you may be experiencing as well?
Consider the damage you may be causing, and how you would feel if what you are saying was being said about you. Is it worth it? When speaking about someone that is not there, imagine they are present, what would they think about the conversation?
Hang around with others that you aspire to be like. We tend to take on the habits of people we spend the most time with. If you're involved in a negative conversation, redirect it to something positive and fun. You will all benefit. What goes around comes around, you are treated the way you treat others. Gossip and you will be gossiped about.
Try not to judge because you don’t know what others are going through. Challenge yourself. Do not speak negatively about anyone else for the next three days and see how your energy redirects. Instead, aim to speak positively and find the good in everyone.
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This post was authored by Courtney Somer.
In the age of constant communication, 24/7 jobs, and mandatory multitasking, finding a moment for reflection is almost impossible — almost. Courtney Somer made mental wellness her mission, creating Eyla, an online resource packed with inspiration and real-life tools to maintain your personal peace. We'll be sharing some of this goodness every week on R29 Guest Stars, so whether you're looking to get spiritual, clear your mind, or just read some motivating interviews, Eyla is here to help you shine brighter.