The subject of love fascinates me and always has, perhaps because for me, happiness and love are synonymous. Today, I awake each morning looking forward to what the day will bring. This wasn’t always my experience.
It took me many years to learn some fundamental truths that have been the keys to my success in experiencing a life filled with love and happiness. I wanted to share some of these insights with you, with plenty of time to put them into practice prior to Valentine’s Day.
The secret to attracting more love into your life is to love yourself more. Often this is counterintuitive and among women in particular, often confused with pampering. While pampering is a form of self-love, there’s more to it.
Love is not something we give or receive. Though many of us (including me) have traditionally thought about it in this way. Instead, love is who we are, it’s what we’re made of. It’s not something that comes or goes. It is our essence, our true nature. Think of a newborn baby — she represents what love is, complete truth and unconditional trust, without any fear.
The first step in loving ourselves more is to stop judging ourselves; when we do, we’re not seeing the truth of who we are. For example, if we look in the mirror and we see fine wrinkles, we are judging. But, counter to what you might think, we didn’t not see the wrinkles and then criticize them. The judgment happened first, and then we saw the wrinkles. When we suspend judgment, we simply see a face in the mirror. The way, we begin doing this is by recognizing that we are judging — and then realize that 99% of all of our thinking is judging.
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Self-love means loving ourselves unconditionally and forgiving for all of our past mistakes. It’s about trusting that we did the best that we could at the time. Why is this the key? The answer is quite simply because we cannot love another more than we love ourselves. Nor can one love us more than we do ourselves. So, if we’re not receiving what we need in a relationship, the natural tendency is to focus on “getting” the person to love us more. When we do this, it creates tension. Instead, when this happens, the answer lies within and the inquiry is “how can I love myself, even more?”
Try the following exercises for the next 30 days and notice how your life shifts:
1. One effective technique to increase self-love is Louise Hay’s mirror work. Try the following exercise for the next thirty days: Every time you pass a mirror look into your eyes and say: “I love you, I really, really love you!”
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2. Repeat the following affirmation first thing in the morning, before you go to sleep and 2-3 times throughout the day. As you repeat the words, close your eyes and really feel the truth in your heart: “I am loveable. I am loved. I am love.”
3. Choose a way to nurture your body, mind, and soul. It may be a bath with candlelight and essential oils, a deep tissue massage, facial, acupuncture, yoga, or tea with a friend. It’s an opportunity for you to take time for yourself doing something that brings you joy. Give yourself permission to do this as many times as you can over the next 30 days. Keep a journal about how spending this time makes you feel.
The Power of Essential Oils
Below you’ll find additional tips using Young Living Essential Oils that have been beneficial in increasing love in my life.
1. Each morning I enjoy three drops of Joy essential oil. I rub it over my heart, my wrists, and the rims of my ears. It smells heavenly and is beneficial for self-love and for attracting love.
Joy is a luxuriously exotic blend with uplifting overtones that creates magnetic energy and brings joy to the heart. When worn as cologne or perfume, Joy exudes an alluring and irresistible fragrance that inspires romance and togetherness. When diffused, it can be refreshing and uplifting.
2. Each Morning I put a drop of Harmony essential oil on the bottom of my feet.
Harmony is a blend that promotes physical and emotional well being by bringing harmonic balance to the energy centers of the body. The liberating, balancing, and calming essential oils in this blend open us to new possibilities while contributing to an overall feeling of well-being.
I use several others each day including White Angelica, Gratitude, Forgiveness, Present Time, and Grounding. If I had to choose just one, I’d recommend starting with Joy.
This post was authored by Lori Ostenfeld.
In the age of constant communication, 24/7 jobs, and mandatory multitasking, finding a moment for reflection is almost impossible — almost. Courtney Somer made mental wellness her mission, creating Eyla, an online resource packed with inspiration and real-life tools to maintain your personal peace. We'll be sharing some of this goodness every week on R29 Guest Stars, so whether you're looking to get spiritual, clear your mind, or just read some motivating interviews, Eyla is here to help you shine brighter.