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• September 19, 2008
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Wall Street Selloff: Ebay Goods for a Bear Market

By Max Berlinger

All this talk of financial turmoil and economic instability is seriously stressing us out. After watching bank after bank vanish into the ether, we need a release like now! Nothing helps us blow off some steam more than a good old fashioned shopping spree (paired with caipirinhas, naturally). Now, maybe it seems a little counterintuitive to throw down your inflating cash as the market burns, but these goods will help you weather the lean times.

Above, clockwise from left:

With the economy in the shitter, perhaps you should let ol' Smokey here defend your dough.

Now that you're pinching pennies, we have the perfect place for you to store them.

Aw. This Lehman Brothers teddy bear probably needs a hug right now.

Is this piggy bank mocking us?

We know that you're lazy enough to buy this change counting machine. Slacker.



Above, clockwise from upper left:

This kinda creepy/ kinda cute hobo statue should be the only derelict you give change to. If you don't buy him, he may remain homeless forever!

May this Bear Stearns money clip serve as a sincere reminder of the respected financial institution and a warning to Wall Street.

As you ponder the exigencies of the competitive capitalist structure, gaze upon this heavily metaphoric statute for inspiration. Also, it's a bull fighting a bear. Badass.

Playing this game will be the perfect reminder of what it felt like to rain money when your bank account was mad deep. Good times, good times.

We're sure that all your banker buddies will think these nifty cufflinks are hysterical, which is probably why they're bankers.

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