The Secret To Involving Your Partner In Wedding Planning

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.

By Natasha Burton


When you think about all the details you need to plan for your big day, you get all giddy inside. Your partner? Well, not so much. He or she may look at wedding planning like it's more of a chore than a fun adventure. And, even though the bulk of the planning duties will likely fall into your capable (and willing) hands, there will still be times when you're going to want your partner to be as involved as possible. Here's how to make planning a joint endeavor with only a little grumbling from your other half.

Don't force the issue.
So, your partner isn't into party planning, or any kind of planning, for that matter. That's okay — some people just don't get why it's necessary to put together every detail of your nuptials months (or years) in advance. Lecturing your beloved on why all of the prep work is important, however, won't inspire the shift in thinking you hope. More than likely it'll cause a rift that the two of you do not want to be dealing with at this stressful time. Rather than putting your foot down, try inviting him to help or explaining why his help means so much to you. Be cool about it and your partner will probably come around.

Be positive about the process.
It can be tempting to adopt your partner's exasperated view on planning as an attempt to level with him or her. But, turning planning into a chore actually confirms her fears and suspicions about the process. Instead, keep things upbeat and stay excited whenever you talk about planning. Your S.O. will naturally be happy that you're happy and want to contribute where possible. Excitement is contagious, after all.
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Focus on the need-to-handle tasks.
You may be stressed about a certain aspect of the planning process and vent to your partner about it months before an actual decision needs to be made — hey, it happens. But, try to keep your stress in check, for your own sake and for your partner's. When you sit down to talk details together, stay focused on the agenda and tackle the items that really need your attention now, so your partner can see the importance of checking that item off the list. Ruminating on napkin choices for weeks at a time might make her eyes glaze over, and make it harder for you to convince her that this stuff is, like, really important. 

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.


If he just doesn't care about the flowers, stop asking for his opinion about the flowers.
Look, your partner probably won't know whether your bouquet is made up of peonies or garden roses. And he or she probably doesn't care. At. All. Once your partner makes it clear that you're running the show on a certain task, just go with it. Your Number One just legitimately does not have a thoughtful opinion on certain elements of the big day — which is fine! That's when it's your time to shine.

Likewise, give your love ownership over something you care less about.
If your lady loves music, let her choose a DJ. If your guy is all about dessert, ask him to take the reigns on your cake. And then, really give your partner the freedom to choose what he or she thinks is best. Sure, you might end up with something that's not exactly your taste (or what you would have picked) but, the wedding should represent both of you, not just the one who's done the most Pinning. Besides, giving your other half a task and trusting him or her with it is good practice for the rest of your life. Which is what this wedding thing is all about, right?