Carlen Costa, PhD, is one of Canada's leading sexologists and relationship experts. A sex-positive feminist, sushi fanatic, and opinionated Beyhive booty-shaker, she encourages us to invite and accept pleasure into our lives. Dr. Carlen is all about real sex for real people, and she aims to make the topic a part of our everyday conversations.
In new relationships, most of us fall hard into the bliss of dopamine and serotonin, neurotransmitters that contribute to pleasure, with plenty of sexual anticipation mixed in. While your senses start blowing up with euphoric excitement, you forget to talk about sex — what you want, what you don't, and when you want it.
Before you know it, one moment you’re having sex and are close to orgasm when, all of a sudden, paranoia concerning your barrier method kicks in, or a pinkie gets slipped somewhere it doesn’t belong. Or distraction hits and you become more focused on your mental grocery list than with with the face buried in between your legs and you have no idea how to talk about what's going on.
Communicating about your sex life is one of the best things you can do for the health of your relationship. Whether you're in a long-term, established relationship or a newly minted one, it's never too late — or early — to start talking about sex.
While there's probably an infinite list of conversation topics surrounding the subject, there are four that I think are especially important.