These Breakup Stories Will Make You Cringe

Photographed by Refinery29.
We'll never know for sure, but we're willing to bet that whoever coined the phrase "misery loves company" came up with it while swapping breakup stories. Enduring the heartbreak of a major split is definitely not fun, but hearing that others have experienced — and survived — the same thing can be comforting.
So, in the spirit of commiserating, we've rounded up some of the most cringeworthy, nervous laughter-inducing breakup stories from Reddit. Read on to nod in agreement with these tales of relationships lost.
And if you're in the midst of your own breakup, check out our guide to getting over it — then watch a movie that'll really help you move on.
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1 of 9

He took the dog.

"He got drunk after a 5K on St. Patrick's Day, left five minutes before I got there to walk home. He was apparently blackout drunk by this point. On the way home, he (for whatever reason) decided to make a stop at a lawyer's office and break in. He caused over $30,000 worth of damage and threatened the arresting officers with a printer. He was convicted of a felony, dishonorably discharged from the military and I supported him through it all because I loved him. And then he decided to move back home (since he wanted his mom to support him financially), broke up with me, and less than a month later was dating a high school girl.

"Oh, and he took the dog we got together and that I had helped pay for and train. There was nothing I could do, because he had gotten the dog micro-chipped in his name."

-Reddit user emmny
2 of 9

We had very casually dated for two weeks.

"[He] cried and declared his love for me. After I said, 'This is too weird, let's go back to being friends.' We had very casually dated for two weeks."

-Reddit user keylimeallatime
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3 of 9

Love sucks.

"My first relationship lasted five years, during which my boyfriend explained that he needed to be with someone for five years before he knew if it was going to last. He had mentioned multiple times that he would propose on our fifth anniversary. Day comes around, he takes me to dinner, then to the location of our first kiss. Where he proceeds to break up with me.

"A couple years later I had been with a man for a few months, he proposed. It was quick but I was head over heels. We got engaged and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. That bumped up our wedding plans. Got married, and two months later I caught him in bed with a 19-year-old. Being pregnant, I was scared of being alone, didn't know what to do, but after trying to work it out for a year, I divorced him. Love sucks and I've been battling the mentality that it's not worth it. I'm hoping I'll find a man that makes it worth it. So far, no luck. My daughter is almost 9 and I've not found 'the one' yet."

-Reddit user maniacal-seahorse
4 of 9

He had packed up all his stuff.

"We were constantly breaking up and getting back together for the three years we dated. The worst breakup was when he texted me unexpectedly, 'I can't do this anymore.' I called him and he wouldn't pick up the phone so I drove over to his place. That's when I realized he had packed up all his stuff and started the thousand-mile drive back to our home state when he texted me."

-Reddit user yourstorynow
5 of 9

I became the hysterical crying girl.

"My first relationship [was my worst breakup]. I shared all my firsts with my boyfriend and invested a lot of my identity in him. We were together for two years or so, and it took me nearly two more years before I felt comfortable moving on. I became the hysterical crying girl in high school. You don't want to be that girl. Ah, homecoming, what a nice time! Oh wait, you miss your ex so you better go cry in the bathroom. Oh boy, it's your birthday and you're at Oktoberfest with your friends! Nope, gotta be sad about all the couples around you and go cry under a tree. Wanna see a movie? Sure thing, just need to step outside the theater and cry for some ridiculous reason related to your ex.

"I've had really awful breakups since, but that first one bothered me for so long. I didn't think I'd ever be happy or fall in love again."

-Reddit user peregr1ne
6 of 9

They gave him an ultimatum: me or their money.

"Uprooted and moved across the country with the guy, realized after the fact just how dependent he was on his parents for EVERYTHING. They basically controlled his life because he didn't have a real job and lived off of their money. He spent ridiculous amounts of cash on stupid stuff like his train modeling hobby, but they somehow blamed me for all of his failures instead of him (despite me landing freelance work then a full-time job within three months of quitting my job and moving with no job prospects).

"He came home from a trip to see them two days before New Year's Eve and told me they gave him an ultimatum: me or their money.

"He chose the money. I had to live in the apartment for another two months, sleeping on the sofa bed, while he moved another girl in. Ugh. My fuck buddy and I broke his couch bed, though, so it wasn't all bad in the end."

-Reddit user thejoyfulnoise
7 of 9

[He] would turn up at my place randomly for a year.

"I broke up with him, he cried, wouldn't leave, proposed, then would turn up at my place randomly for a year asking me to marry him/suck his dick."

-Reddit user LizzieDane
8 of 9

I'm trying to dodge him without hurting his feelings.

"So I had this fling with a guy. I TOLD him on numerous occasions that he and I were not an item. After he asked me out to dinner as friends, only to go to this really nice restaurant, I told him we needed to cool it. He agreed and cool it we did. We still talked, we had classes and had the same friend circle. I thought all was well. Flash forward a couple months in, he's still trying to hang out with me alone, take me on dates, and I'm trying to dodge him without hurting his feelings and telling him I'm just not interested in him in that way. Then another classmate (in different classes) asked me out. It was just dinner at first, but I found I REALLY liked this dude. At the end of our third date (a month after the first), I have to tell the fling guy that he needs to back off because I want to pursue a relationship with the new guy. He says he understands, I think all is well. THEN, right before the semester is over, I'm leaving my apartment early in the morning to go take my last final of the semester and on my front doorstep is a gift bag with a cropped picture of me and fling guy, a really sappy love/sob letter, and a fancy-ass necklace. I was horrified, called fling guy, and he refused to take back the necklace or the badly cropped together picture of us. I haven't spoken to him since, and me and the guy who asked me out on a date are still together 3.5 years later."

-Reddit user Thursday_The_Cat
9 of 9

He took me to a restaurant to try and 'mend' the relationship.

"One guy broke up with me after he'd been cheating on me for six months. He took me to a restaurant to try and 'mend' the relationship. I was hospitalized with food poisoning a day later. The day after that I woke up at 6 a.m. — still in this hospital — to a text that said, 'I just don't want to be your boyfriend.' He then called himself my best friend and phoned me at 6 p.m. that night to see how I was 'coping' with the break up. Asshole.

"One guy got his ex-girlfriend (who is now his fiancé) to break up with me for him.

"Another spent the day with me, was really lovely and sweet. Talked about how much he enjoyed spending time with me. But, 20 minutes after he left, he texted me going, 'Being your boyfriend is too weird we have too much history as friends.'

"Thankfully I'm now in a relationship with someone who doesn't have the emotional age of a 16-year-old."

-Reddit user BartokTheBat
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