Ask Elliot: Cargo Shorts, Facebook Stalking, & Being Too Tired For Sex

jpeg
Our resident relationship/men's fashion/straight-guy-gives-advice guru Elliot is taking on your personal quandaries and giving you his answers. Check out the third round of Q&As below and be sure to send your own questions for Ask Elliot to submissions@refinery29.com.
Advertisement
"Do guys actually think cargo shorts are okay? Or do they know the truth and just not care?"
Dudes who think it's fine to wear cargo shorts fall into their own sartorial category: a very lowly one that reminds me of ketchup stains. Hoodies, while juvenile, at least have some cute, boyish charm. Cargo shorts, on the other hand, are for roller hockey players and dads who are not even good at barbecuing. I personally don't think it's cool for a grown man to wear shorts unless he is looking at a body of water but if a dude you know is hooked on showing off a little leg, try to steer him toward a pair of innocuous khaki shorts. Too many pockets = cry for help.
"My boyfriend is Facebook friends with his ex, and sometimes I see him looking at her pictures and stuff. I feel stupid and overprotective worrying about it, but I can't help but be a bit bothered. What should I do?"
The first question I'd want to ask you is how do you know he's scoping her out on Facebook. If he is obvious about it and doing it right in front of you, that might be grounds for a chat. Either way, I'd ask him in a joking way if he thinks her new haircut is working for her or why he hasn't taken you on a ski vacation in Europe like her new boyfriend did for her last month. Let him know that you know that he's peeping some pics without putting him on trial. Keep it light, not accusatory. He'll pick on the fact that he should log off.
"I work long hours and usually don't have much energy when I come home — meaning, I don't always want to go at it like rabbits. I love my husband and I'm attracted to him, and I don't want him to take my lack of weekday desire the wrong way. How can I explain that it's not his fault?"
Be real and explain that your schedule is demanding and not entirely in your control. Everyone who's in a good, working relationship is of course accounting for the ups/hills/valleys/random odd occurrences that pop up along the way. If the work is rushing in like flood water, it has to get done and in no way reflects how cool/sexy/handsome/smart one's partner is. Just be sure to make some time to be intimate and responsive, and it's all good.
Also, everyone likes to smash, but full-on sex doesn't always have to be on the menu every night. The universe of bathtub getaways, special massages, after-dinner quickies, and whatever other kinky stuff you can dare to dream up can, and should, be readily explored. Your man wants to be close to you and make you feel good, and he of course has his own needs, and those need to be met, too. Think of exciting (or mellow) new ways to enjoy one another rather than kicking him to the curb like an old baseball glove, and you can easily work around the logistics. Sexy time is invigorating, so think of it as an investment in your productivity.
Photo: Courtesy of Elliot Aronow
Advertisement

More from Sex & Relationships

Aside from encountering creeps and starting conversations that just don't go anywhere, one major problem online daters face is catfishing. According to a...
A version of this story originally appeared on Shape. When it comes to female pleasure, there's enough misinformation out there to fill a book. One of ...
This article was originally published on December 18, 2015. According to stereotypes, men are the sexually voracious cheaters and women are the ...
Amber Rose doesn't do "off days." "I always feel confident," she tells us. "I never allow myself to not feel confident. I wake up and say, I’m going out ...
We're great fans of accessorizing in the bedroom. Au naturel stimulation is wonderful, but sex toys can do things that people just can't. The sex toy ...
Even as the sex toy market continues to expand, there remain a few vital "firsts" for the industry to tackle. This week, with the arrival of the Buck-Off...
The Halloween-costume-planning frenzy is officially in full swing, and we still have so many questions. Is our costume idea clever without being obscure? ...
(Paid Content) You don't need a degree in common sense to know getting involved with a coworker is a bad idea. Yet, we probably all know someone who has, ...
This article was originally published on April 2, 2015 and has been updated throughout. Lube is a little like masturbation. It's a big part of most people...
It would be an understatement to say that a lot of us love superhero blockbusters. Luckily, there's really no shortage of them, but should you ever need ...
The following is an excerpt from Asa Akira's recently released memoir Dirty Thirty. Another year of wasted eggs because I chose to whore instead. “Do ...
In the best-case scenario, you go on a first date with someone, and you hit it off. The chemistry is off the charts, and you're never at a loss for what to...
Even if you think you’re not kinky, there’s a chance your brain might be. And when it comes to getting turned on and orgasming, our brains deserve more ...
Lord Ivar Mountbatten, a cousin of Queen Elizabeth's, became the first out member of the British Royal Family when he came out as bisexual last week. In ...