Ask Elliot: Cargo Shorts, Facebook Stalking, & Being Too Tired For Sex

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jpegOur resident relationship/men's fashion/straight-guy-gives-advice guru Elliot is taking on your personal quandaries and giving you his answers. Check out the third round of Q&As below and be sure to send your own questions for Ask Elliot to submissions@refinery29.com.

"Do guys actually think cargo shorts are okay? Or do they know the truth and just not care?"
Dudes who think it's fine to wear cargo shorts fall into their own sartorial category: a very lowly one that reminds me of ketchup stains. Hoodies, while juvenile, at least have some cute, boyish charm. Cargo shorts, on the other hand, are for roller hockey players and dads who are not even good at barbecuing. I personally don't think it's cool for a grown man to wear shorts unless he is looking at a body of water but if a dude you know is hooked on showing off a little leg, try to steer him toward a pair of innocuous khaki shorts. Too many pockets = cry for help.

"My boyfriend is Facebook friends with his ex, and sometimes I see him looking at her pictures and stuff. I feel stupid and overprotective worrying about it, but I can't help but be a bit bothered. What should I do?"
The first question I'd want to ask you is how do you know he's scoping her out on Facebook. If he is obvious about it and doing it right in front of you, that might be grounds for a chat. Either way, I'd ask him in a joking way if he thinks her new haircut is working for her or why he hasn't taken you on a ski vacation in Europe like her new boyfriend did for her last month. Let him know that you know that he's peeping some pics without putting him on trial. Keep it light, not accusatory. He'll pick on the fact that he should log off.

"I work long hours and usually don't have much energy when I come home — meaning, I don't always want to go at it like rabbits. I love my husband and I'm attracted to him, and I don't want him to take my lack of weekday desire the wrong way. How can I explain that it's not his fault?"
Be real and explain that your schedule is demanding and not entirely in your control. Everyone who's in a good, working relationship is of course accounting for the ups/hills/valleys/random odd occurrences that pop up along the way. If the work is rushing in like flood water, it has to get done and in no way reflects how cool/sexy/handsome/smart one's partner is. Just be sure to make some time to be intimate and responsive, and it's all good.

Also, everyone likes to smash, but full-on sex doesn't always have to be on the menu every night. The universe of bathtub getaways, special massages, after-dinner quickies, and whatever other kinky stuff you can dare to dream up can, and should, be readily explored. Your man wants to be close to you and make you feel good, and he of course has his own needs, and those need to be met, too. Think of exciting (or mellow) new ways to enjoy one another rather than kicking him to the curb like an old baseball glove, and you can easily work around the logistics. Sexy time is invigorating, so think of it as an investment in your productivity.

Photo: Courtesy of Elliot Aronow