Ask Elliot: Lap Dances & Coachella Romances

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jpegOur resident relationship/men's fashion/straight-guy-gives-advice guru Elliot is taking on your personal quandaries and giving you his answers. Check out the third round of Q&As below and be sure to send your own questions for Ask Elliot to submissions@refinery29.com.

"I trust my boyfriend and consider myself to be a cool girl, but I found myself furious when he admitted to getting SEVEN lap dances during a bachelor party 'weekend with the boys.' I know it's part of the deal, but I just don't like the idea of seven different girls rubbin' up on my guy. Am I being a crazy girlfriend or does that sound excessive?"
There is not a small amount of pressure to spend big and spend often when you're at a strip club with a bunch of your homies. Add booze, general baseline masculine horniness, a few rounds of peer pressure, and the predatory nature of professional dancers into the mix, and you can see how two dances become five become seven. On another level, he's just reinforcing his bonds with his bros. Let him live a little. Boys will be boys. Bachelors will be even worse. And then it's all over and back to normal. Editor's note: When we published this, we had quite a heated in-office discussion about how our own staffers (both male and female) would respond to their S.O.s going to strip clubs and buying lap dances. Some thought it was completely benign — if not immature, while others said that it was grounds for breaking up. We totally get that the spectrum of feelings about strip clubs are wide and diverse, but what's most important is that your partner know how you feel and shouldn't compromise your trust. And, if he/she feels so strongly about a lap dance to turn it into a bigger thing, well, you're probably dealing with a larger issue.

"Why do you (men) always text instead of call?"
Because emojis now allow us to express very deep feelings through frogs, crowns, two kinds of ambulances, thumbs, and smiling piles of doo-doo. Really though, many dudes get insecure about how their voice sounds on the phone. A real-life dial can leave us open to sounding dorky, clunky, and nervous. And since we have not yet learned that many a modern lady actually find these little ticks endearing and cute, we opt to use the path of least resistance and just send a text. This, however, is entirely inexcusable for the following situations: setting up a first date, wishing you a happy birthday, or asking if he can break plans. A real man picks up the phone for those things.

"So, I had some fun at Coachella the other week. What's the etiquette for getting in touch with someone you hooked up with at a music festival?"
"First, kudos to you to even wanting to get frisky after standing out in the sun for hours in 100+ degree heat. That's commendable for sure. As for your hook-up, I am assuming you got his name and number, right? If so, sending a simple text along the lines of "that was fun, hope to see you again soon xo" would do the trick. Play it cool but not too cool. Maybe pepper it with a "call me soon" or "let me know what you are doing this week" if you actually want to see homeboy again. If you didn't get any info from him, you might have to let him go free and chalk up your festival rendezvous to the irresistibly sultry tunage of Grizzly Bear and/or Skrillex and leave it at that. It's not like you were going to have any Coachildren with him, ya know?

Photo: Courtesy of Elliot Aronow