12 Deeply Strange Vintage Recipes From Betty Crocker & Friends

You may have failed at those Pinterest cupcakes and burned your Trader Joe's microwavable dinner, but take comfort in one fact: Your kitchen creations are probably less disgusting than the average American meal in 1950, if we are to believe the stuff we see in old ads and recipes. Not only was everything tossed in mayonnaise, it was not unusual to artfully display semi-melted Velveeta cheese slices on top of casserole dishes. And, for good measure, why not encase the whole situation in gelatin? (That's something that applies to not only cooking, but also life. Got acne? Encase your whole face in gelatin! Things not working out with your S.O.? Consider confining each other for three days in a giant Jell-O mold along with a handful of shriveled mandarin oranges!) If you're curious, check out the 12 recipes ahead.

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Real cool, indeed! This fun fish is here to turn all your dinner guests' lunches into vomit — which, surprise, also makes a festive side dish for this delicacy.

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Nothing other than a Whoopie Cushion should ever include the phrase "furter-burster."

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But why is it in a wine glass, though?

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What is lime cheese? The combination of limes and cheese can't possibly be real, so it seems fair to assume this cheese is in fact coated with what Wikipedia defines as "a calcium-containing inorganic material in which carbonates, oxides, and hydroxides predominate." Delish!

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Normally, we'd say the combination of mayonnaise, vinegar, Miracle Whip, and onion is less than appetizing — but thank goodness Eagle Brand Milk is here to save the day!

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"Mystery" is a fun word for board games or grocery-store novels, but when applied to cake, it means either somebody's going to choke on a hidden charm before the night is over, or the chef is too embarrassed to name the ingredients.

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What better way to accent your lumpy chicken mess than with a statue of a chicken, silently weeping at the sight of its slaughtered brethren?

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"Bread cubes with egg and white sauce" actually doesn't sound so bad compared to the rest of this list.

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The disturbing thing about this recipe is the impression — given by the behavior of the substance around the spot where the spoon is resting in the pan — that the eggs are still in a thoroughly liquid state.

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Why, though? Why did you have to take perfectly fine guacamole salad and mold it into a trembling blob of misery?

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Ah, yes. Let me just get some saltines to dip in my ominously colored, steaming-hot beverage.

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Don't let anyone tell you otherwise: Making Kraft slices as clearly identifiable as possible is the classiest touch you can throw on a dinner-party casserole.