Food and love are closely entwined, and no time of year is this more apparent than on Valentine's Day. The heart-shaped chocolate box is practically synonymous with the holiday. Unfortunately, though, many of the V-Day gifts we see are less sweet and more sickly-sweet — overdone, overdecorated, and covered in way too much pink and red.
But for the more discerning gift-giver, there's no shortage of ways to say "I love you" with food, from hot sauce to Champagne to candy that's far more sophisticated than a box of whatever from the drugstore. Click through to see the Valentine's Day gifts we actually want to give (and get) this year.
Nutella is great. Over 6 pounds of Nutella is the greatest.
Giant Nutella Tub, $33.99, available at
For anyone whose theme song in February is "
Milk Chocolate Sardines, $19.95, available at
The ideal gift should be useful as well as
(a.k.a. Sriracha packets).
Huy Fong Sriracha Packets 50 ct., $14.99, available at
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. If you want to say something nice, you might as well say it with Champagne. With Veuve Clicquot's message box, you can spell out your sentiments right on the packaging. (We'd go with: "Please share this with me?!")
Rosé Champagne, $59.95 , available at
Sherry-Lehmann Wine & Spirits
If Champagne isn't your thing, why not go with a French single-malt for the whiskey lover in your life?
Single Malt Whiskey, $59.99, available at
So what if you're single on Valentine's Day? So what if your birthday is in August? Birthday-cake cookie dough doesn't care.
Birthday Bash, $8, available at
Quin's soft and dreamy candies were the grown-up Starbursts and Tootsie Rolls we never knew we needed — until we tried this assorted box, which proves that, yes, candy is indeed magic.
Candy Is Magic Gift Box, $16, available at
For the unlucky in love — or just fans of the salty-sweet: Milk Bar's giant, heart-shaped compost cookie (full of pretzels, chocolate, potato chips, and marshmallows) might be the perfect gift.
Heart-Shaped Compost Cookie Cake, $36.75, available at
These salted-caramel bees are (almost) too cute to eat.
John & Kira's
Chocolate Bees, $29.95, available at
John & Kira's
What better way to convey your undying love than with a cookie that looks like an actual heart?
Anatomical Heart Gift Box, $26, available at
The elusive Loch Ness monster
exist — at least, as the cutest soup ladle we've ever seen. Maybe true love is real, too.
Nessie Ladle, $8.89, available at
Meet the latest candy to get a serious upgrade when it goes artisanal. Askinosie's hand-crafted malt balls take over 8 hours to make and are covered with layers of Tanzanian dark chocolate.
Chocolate Covered Malt Balls, $15, available at
If you're looking for a sexy food gift for your S.O. that
come with instructions for where to lick it off, may we suggest this gorgeous set of hand-painted chocolates? It depicts nine scenes from
The Kama Sutra
in all their sensual glory.
Kama Sutra Chocolates, $36, available at
We've heard of the so-called
, but may we humbly present the engagement cookie: If someone gave us Levain's iconic, oversized, ooey-gooey cookies, we'd be tempted to do any number of rash things, like propose marriage (or eat all eight cookies in one sitting).
Gift Box of 8 Cookies, $49, available at
Remember how in old-timey books people were always so excited to get oranges? It's probably not because they immediately made mimosas with them (which, for the record, is what we'd do if someone gave us these organic blood oranges).
Frog Hollow Farm
Organic Blood Oranges, $32, available at
Who says your love of chocolate and your love of dinosaurs have to be mutually exclusive?
Andie's Speciality Sweets
Dinosaur Fossil Candy, $47.50, available at
For the Valentine who is best described as "indoorsy" — the best part of camping, no sleeping bag required.
Butter & Scotch
S'mores Pie, $38, available at
Butter & Scotch
Or go high-end with your marshmallows. These are cooked in Champagne and finished with edible gold.
Gold & Champagne Marshmallows, $24, available at
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who hate mayonnaise, and those who don't see anything weird about getting a jar of Sriracha mayo for Valentine's Day.
Empire Mayonnaise Co.
Sriracha Mayo, $7.50, available at
Empire Mayonnaise Co
Drizzle it on ice cream, serve it with cake...or eat it straight out of the jar. No judgment.
Handmade Hot Fudge, $9.99, available at
We'd much rather get a pack of L.A.'s beloved Sweet Rose ice cream than a dozen (non-edible) roses.
Valentine's Day Pint Pack, $60, available at
If you're going to give the gift of maple syrup, you might as well go all out with the barrel-aged, bourbon-matured craft kind.
Tonic 01, $29, available at
Oak and Salt
Sugar isn't the only way to our hearts. A crunchy, sour pickle will get you there, too.
The Deli Pickle, $7, available at
Okay, maybe a ball of provolone isn't practical...but it sure is pretty.
Grande Provolone Ball, $19.99, available at
Food gifts don't
to be edible. But if they can't be edible, they should be huggable — like this oversized, lovable cinnamon bun.
Cinnamon Bun, $42, available at
Making bacon pancakes
just got way easier with this mix from Vosges, which contains its famous bacon chocolate.
Mo's Bacon Chocolate Chip Pancake Mix, $12, available at
Just try to stop at one bite of this crunchy, buttery, oh-so-addictive toffee.
Dark Chocolate Toffee, $22, available at
Or, if you prefer, have some peanut butter with your bacon chocolate.
Black Pig Meat Co.
Bacon Peanut Butter Cups, $17.25, available at
If Gatsby had wanted to give Daisy a box of booze-infused chocolates for Valentine's, we're pretty sure it would be this one from Sugarfina.
Vice Collection 3 Piece Bento Box, $28, available at
We know "Netflix and chill" doesn't actually mean Netflix and chill...but we would totally watch Netflix and chill out with anyone who gave us truffle popcorn.
Truffle 4 Pack, $26, available at
Valentine's Day is the perfect time to take your favorite text-based flirtation to the next level with some IRL emojis in flavors like raspberry, cherry, and lime.
Emoticon Mixed Rock Candy, $5, available at
Sugar and spice and everything nice — that's what our favorite chili-infused honey is made of.
Bee's Knees Spicy Honey, $20, available at
Infused with real roses, these all-natural gummies won't wilt after a few days — and you don't have to worry about watering them.
Willamette Valley Confectionery
Basket O' Roses, $10.99, available at
Farm to People
Even V-Day haters should get something sweet.
Bond Street Chocolates
Dark Chocolate Skulls, $14, available at
Bond Street Chocolates
Healing crystals may be pseudoscience, but
healing crystals have shown the power to soothe a sweet tooth.
Crystal Candy, $20, available at
Small-batch, USDA-organic, blend of unique spices...all that sounds good, but we really just want to display the gorgeous bottle.
Dry Gin, $34.99, available at
The light side and the dark side of the Force are in total harmony — at least when they're ice-cream flavors. (And when the dark side includes espresso-fudge brownies, we're totally willing to hang with Kylo Ren.)
Star Wars 4-Pack, $36, available at
Russell Stover this is not: Each one of Cathy Selin's chocolates is handcrafted in a process that can take up to four days (good luck making them last that long!).
Chocolate In Chelsea
Not a Normal Box of Chocolates, $60, available at