In her first single in five years, Avril Lavigne poured her heart out for us. "Head Above Water," which the Canadian singer released on Wednesday, is a powerful ballad recreating her lowest point as she struggled with Lyme disease four years ago.
"God, keep my head above water/ Don't let me drown, it gets harder," Lavigne pleads in the chorus, which she said was an echo of her thoughts at the time.
"I thought I was dying, and I had accepted that I was going to die," she said in a statement, according to Rolling Stone. "My mom laid [sic] with me in bed and held me. I felt like I was drowning. Under my breath, I prayed ‘God, please help to keep my head above the water.’ "
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Despite what she was feeling, and that weird Avril Lavigne death rumor, it is extremely rare to die from Lyme disease. Most reported deaths are the result of a complication called Lyme carditis, in which the bacteria infects the lower chambers of the heart. But even without that level of infection, many report debilitating symptoms of pain, arthritis, fatigue, shortness of breath and neurological issues.
There are many references to shortness of breath in "Head Above Water," which Lavigne said she wrote while she going through all of this. "It was like I tapped into something," she said in her statement. "It was a very spiritual experience. Lyrics flooded through me from that point on."
In 2015, Lavigne told People that the disease left her bed-ridden for five months.
"I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk and I couldn’t move," she told the magazine, describing how she was sometimes too weak even to shower. Part of what kept her going was the get-well messages she received from fans.
Lavigne’s recovery took some time — while she promised fans in 2016 that she’d have new music coming out in 2017, she is still reportedly working on her new album, her first since 2013.
Now that she's on the other side of her battle with Lyme, Lavigne is trying to help others with the disease through the Avril Lavigne Foundation. She's currently selling #HeadAboveWater to raise money for the foundation.