8 Women Share Their True Feelings On Anal Sex

Backdoor entry is a deal-breaker for many women — a no-way, no-how, entirely off-limits scenario. Still, more than a third of women (36.3%) surveyed in a recent study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported having tried anal sex; 13.2% reported having had it within the past 12 months.

For some women, like me, anal sex can be a mind-blowing addition to the bedroom. I’ve never had an orgasm based on anal sex alone, but it’s been a welcome precursor to vaginal penetration and other below-the-belt play. The most intense orgasms I’ve had — ever — have involved some combo of simultaneous vaginal penetration, clit stimulation, and ass play.

The key, for me, is to have a patient partner — one whom I trust. Oh, and plenty of lube. I need to be fully relaxed, lubed, and ready. And even then, sometimes it just doesn’t work. Usually, I’d say you can never have too much of a good thing, but size can also be an issue. (Just ask my ex, whose nickname was “Horse Cock.” Awesome intercourse, agonizing anal sex.)

So, who’s actually doing it? I talked with eight women about what they really think about anal sex. They did not hold back.

Photo: Lauren Perstein.
Erica Gerald Mason, Georgia
Age withheld

“Anal is like turkey bacon:

1. Sometimes you eat it, but you don't really enjoy it.

2. You are always pissed when you think you've ordered regular bacon, but somehow you get a little turkey bacon thrown in there.

3. There are people who will tell you turkey bacon is just as good as regular bacon. You just have to get used to it, they say. Give it another try, they say. So you do.

4. You will realize there are two kinds of people in the world: people who like turkey bacon and people who don't. You are a ‘don't’ girl.”
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet.
Barbara, Arizona
Age withheld

“I enjoy trying just about everything at least once — rear-door is no exception. Every man I've been with has asked for it. Some knew how to prep and stimulate, but most treated anal sex like vaginal sex, which it's not. Because of all the nerve endings around the anus, it's a playground. But I don't enjoy the sex there. Personally, I am able to achieve all three levels of orgasm from my clitoris, G-Spot, and vagina, so I'm good to go there. Everything works. I've been told this is not true for some women, and they can only come with anal intercourse. [I think] men feel they are getting something extra with anal. I say men will stick their dicks anywhere. If it feels good [to you], do it. If not, say no. I say no, thank you.”
Photo: Lauren Perstein.
Emma, 42
Location withheld

“I have to say, I have the best orgasms with anal sex. But the conservative part of me says it's not a good idea. I always feel nervous, and it hurts, but the orgasms are beyond awesome! Ah, the conundrum.”
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet.
Cynthia, 72, Florida

“Although I am physically incapable of vaginal intercourse due to cancer surgery decades ago, and although my gynecologist suggested anal as a realistic work-around, I will not try it again. I tried it a few times many years ago. Put plainly, it hurts.

"Additionally, the position is not conducive to that oh-so-necessary clitoral contact, unless the man stimulates my clitoris manually — and my experience when I tried it demonstrated to me that a man in the throes of passion is not really capable of staying focused on keeping his finger well-placed. But the lack of clitoral contact is way secondary to the pain issue. If it were merely a lack of clitoral contact, well, then the man could have his anal fun without trying to bring me to climax and then, after a brief refractory period of recovery from the orgasmic high, he could stimulate me to orgasm orally or manually. But that doesn't resolve the pain problem."
Photo: Lauren Perstein.
Cynthia (Continued)

“I don't enjoy anything involving pain. And anal intercourse most definitely involves pain. So, no thanks. I have not attempted anal sex in a long time now, nor will I ever again. I still have one fully functioning sexually capable aperture, and I'll stick to using that and giving pleasure orally (which, fortunately, was always my favorite form of sex, even when it was not my only option), while receiving pleasure from a tongue or finger. No anal for this woman!”
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet.
Vivi, 28, Poland

“It's definitely something that I always wanted to try, but also felt embarrassed and actually a bit ashamed, as it seemed really ‘dirty’ and ‘taboo.’ I think that's the porn industry's influence, as a lot of people associate anal sex with porn, and basically it sounds slutty.

“But once I met my soon-to-be husband, we decided to give it a go, and I loved it. I felt safe with him, and I also know he respects me, which made it much easier to take that leap. It's usually uncomfortable at first, and sometimes even a bit painful, but having a few glasses of wine beforehand helps me to relax.

“There are days when it's just no go — I definitely have to be in the mood for it, which is not too often, and I prefer standard intercourse over anal sex any day. But it's a great way to spice things up in the bedroom."
Photo: Lauren Perstein.
Vivi (Continued)

“If I had to sum up my take on anal sex, it would be this:

1. Only do it when you really want to, with someone you really love and trust.

2. Never force yourself into anything. If it hurts, stop.

3. Use a lot of lubricant, and go slow.

4. A glass of wine helps to relax and take the edge off.

5. Have fun! There is no shame in trying things with your partner other than just standard sex.”
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet.
Roslyn Fleischer, 49, California

“I have only one thought regarding anal sex: If he's small enough to do that comfortably, you shouldn’t be dating him at all.”
Photo: Lauren Perstein.
Sam, 25, Canada

“[When] my husband asks me if we can do it, most of the time, I let him do it, but in the back of my mind, I'm like, Is that really necessary? Is [my vagina] not tight enough for you? and quickly shift to I did not eat that much before this, right? Oh shit, I ate all the mashed potatoes! Then, I end up with thoughts of, This will not be comfortable. We all know anal intercourse is one-sided — or at least, that's what I think about it.”
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet.
Jane, 23, Oregon

“I am often asked for advice by my curious classmates who haven't tried anal yet. I tell them that it can be enjoyable, but acknowledge that it can also be a little bit scary (though I always remind them that it's okay if it's not something they feel comfortable with, and that any sexual act done out of guilt probably won't feel good). The first time I tried it, I was curious and afraid, too. I shook so hard from anticipation that it was difficult not to laugh. It might take a few times before you get the hang of it, I tell them, but it can be exciting, and sex doesn't have to be limited to vaginal penetration. You just need a partner you truly trust, to remember to keep breathing so that you can relax (it will hurt if you don't relax!), and to use lots of lube!”