Genius Gift Ideas For Your Favorite TV Characters

I like to imagine a holiday season staffed by my favorite characters from television. Instead of my mom and dad, I'd see Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow) from Friends waiting by the Christmas tree. To hell with my sisters! I'd rather have Issa (Issa Rae) from Insecure and Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) from Game of Thrones by my side when the snow falls. (This especially goes for Arya, who could probably lend me some fancy furs.)

But let's get imaginative for a moment. Don't your family members kind of parallel great characters in television? Arya Stark isn't that different from my cousin Annie, and Betty Cooper from Riverdale is my most exemplary sister. So, compile some great gifts for Betty Cooper, and you've effectively compiled gifts for a family member or best friend who resembles Betty Cooper. It's two birds with one stone — you get to have a fun, imaginary holiday party, and you end up with real life solutions.

Ahead, see what I would purchase for my favorite television characters. Some gifts are extravagant. Others are normal. Are all stupid and imaginative. Get into it.

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Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
Issa (Issa Rae), Insecure

Issa needs some love, don't you think? Although the past two seasons of Insecure have been healthy career years, her love life is in shambles. She deserves some self-love this holiday season.
A rechargeable vibrator

Because it is no longer acceptable for Issa to struggle to rely on a battery-operated vibe. (P.s. This vibrator is meant to simulate oral sex. Yeah.)

Womanizer Pro40, $99, available at Womanizer.
An energy-boosting crystal

Because men like Lawrence (Jay Ellis) can really call upon your energy.

Energy Muse Tourmalinated Quartz Stone, $8.88, available at Energy Muse.
Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) , Game of Thrones

Arya Stark hasn't enjoyed a good holiday season in years. She's busy training to be an assassin. Now, she's back with her sister Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner).
A really nice set of knives

Arya loves sharp things. But she can't use her Valyrian steel dagger to chop food!

Cuisinart Cuisinart 15-Piece Triple Rivet Knife Block Set, $99.95, available at Williams Sonoma.
A satchel for face masks

Arya has a lot of faces — she needs somewhere to store them. If you carry your creepy masks in a cute backpack, no one will know that you're a deranged assassin.

Everlane The Modern Snap Backpack, $80, available at Everlane.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Wendy Carr (Anna Torv), Mindhunter

Wendy is a whip-smart professor at a Boston university who's recently discovered a new science: criminology. She loves white wine, and she's only semi-tolerant of her bumbling co-workers. Wendy is strong. Wendy is no-nonsense. Wendy is also maybe a little lonely.
A stuffed cat

Because she doesn't have time to take care of a real cat anyway.

JellyCat 'Fuddlewuddle Kitty' Stuffed Animal, $22.50, available at Nordstrom.
A fancier white wine

Meet: Orange wine. It's white wine that's made like red wine, i.e. white wine grapes are fermented as if they're red wine grapes. The result is a full-bodied white that can be sipped at almost room temperature. Wendy needs something a little goosey-goosey for when she wants to have a fancy night alone.

Winc 2016 Au-Delá Tocai Friulano, $24, available at Winc.
Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Veep

She may be gruff, but that's why we love her. Selina Meyer, former veep, and former president, is always on edge because, well, she works in politics. And she wants to do the right thing. The world just always mucks it up!
A good book

Specifically, a good book from a woman who also saw a few trials and tribulations in the world of politics this year.

Simon & Schuster What Happened by Hillary Clinton, $17.99, available on Amazon.
A button-making machine

Because Selina Meyer is running for president again! Yeah, baby!

Yescom 1 In. Button Badge Maker Punch Press Machine, $119, available at Jet.com.
Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
Candy/Eileen (Maggie Gyllenhaal), The Deuce

This is a big year for Candy. She attended a fancy-schmancy movie premiere, and she directed her first adult film.
An A+ book on film

Because Candy is a film nerd of the highest degree.

Marion Boyars Publishers I Lost It At The Movies by Pauline Kael, $14.99, available on Amazon.
A director's chair

Because it's never too early to have a comfy place to sit on set.

Home Decorators Collection Honey Wood Folding Director's Chair, $39.20, available at Home Depot.
Ruth Wilder (Alison Brie), GLOW

Give it up for the awkward queen of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! She moonlights as Zoya the Destroya, a Soviet-era villain with an excellent '80s bouffant.
Swell body glitter

Because Zoya the Destroya must glow, as the title of the show suggests.

Sephora Collection Midnight Magic Face and Body Glitter Pots, $11, available at Sephora.
A savvy lip

Because, even when wrestling, it is important to have a nice lip color.

ColourPop Ultra Satin Lip in Warm brown terracotta, $6, available at ColourPop.
Holden Ford (Jonathan Groff), Mindhunter

I have conflicting feelings for Holden Ford, as he is both an idiot and an attractive FBI agent. He's certainly not a good friend, and he's terrible at relationships. Still, he's good at his job, and that makes him a worthwhile character.
A book on love languages

So maybe, just maybe, Ford can figure things out with Debbie (Hannah Gross).

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman, $8,04, available at Barnes and Noble.
A teeny-tiny voice recorder

Because he can't keep carrying that massive recorder around.

Sony ICD-BX140 Digital Voice Recorder, $39.99, available at Staples.
Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington), Scandal

Olivia Pope has been an emblem of strength since Scandal first premiered. But has anyone ever stopped to consider that she might need a gift? A massage, maybe? A coat that's not all-white? Let's give Olivia Pope a break.
A kitschy mug

Olivia Pope doesn't only drink wine from wide-bottomed glasses. Sometimes, she drinks from silly mugs! Olivia Pope just wants to look at her dinnerware and think, "Hey, that's a funny mug!"

Ban.do Hot Stuff Ceramic Mug - U r Worth It, $14, available at Ban.do.
An encouraging candle

Even Olivia Pope needs a self-esteem-boost. You glow, girl!

Amber Ibarreche X UO You Glow Girl Glass Pillar, $14.00, available at Urban Outfitters.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Dustin (Gaten Matarazzo), Stranger Things

Dustin is the MVP of Stranger Things. He's the actual nerd among a class of nerds who want to be cool kids. One look at Dustin, and you know he's going to stay a nerd. Moreover, he's obsessed with discovering things, and he's a big ball of curiosity. He needs paddles to travel along his curiosity journey, and we can give him those paddles!
A Kindle

Okay, in 1984, there were no such things as Kindles. But in 2017, there are Kindles-a-plenty. And this game involves bringing my favorite TV characters into my era. For this holiday season, Dustin gets a Kindle — this means he can go on a curiosity voyage from his bedroom! No more overdue fees at the library for this guy.

Kindle E-reader, $79.99, available at Amazon.
A blow dryer

So that Dustin can use that Farrah Fawcett spray on a blown-out 'do.

Rusk W8Less Ceramic and Tourmaline 2000 Watt Dryer, $79.95, available at Ulta Beauty.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown), Stranger Things

If Dustin is the adorable nerd of Stranger Things, Eleven is the cool kid. She's the new kid in town who's terribly enigmatic — in a handsome way. Plus, she can move things with her mind.
A waffle maker

Because it's about time she graduated from Eggos, right?

Presto FlipSide Electric Waffle Maker, $39.99, available at Target.
A bitchin' top

Because her new look is "bitching."

Ban.do I Believe In Disco Tee, $38, available at ban.do.
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