It's back to the future (er, present) this week on Grey’s, and we start where we left off last week, with Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) and Owen (Kevin McKidd) sorting out their divorce. I love that they’re trying to be friends (“blame everything bad on the brain tumor and keep all the good stuff”), but I haven’t seen a single amicable divorce in my life once you get to the splitting-up-your-stuff-stage, so I’m reserving judgment for now.
Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) lands the cover of a medical magazine for her landmark procedure on Owen’s sister, Megan (Abigail Spencer) and kudos to the writers for dropping that mention of the new intern class into her moment of glory. I’m sure we’re all (not) enjoying the long and drawn-out introduction to who we need to care about now that Riggs (Martin Henderson) is gone.
Some other stuff happens but let’s get to the damn point tonight people: A patient named Danielle comes in who PUT A GUN IN HER VAGINA.
How could this happen, you ask? ME TOO. The woman was in prison, and her boyfriend suggested she smuggle a gun in with her. (Why a gun and not a cell phone? Because he’s not that smart…and neither is she.) She thought it wasn’t loaded and, to sum it up, “guess you forgot about the one in the chamber.” Genius. The only thing better is how the doctors discover it. Arizona (Jessica Capshaw), Maggie (Kelly McCreary), and Kepner (Sarah Drew) are treating her and running down the list of possible symptoms: Is she pregnant? Did she swallow drugs? NOPE, IT’S A GUN. That was not what GOOP meant to start when they mentioned those jade vagina eggs, but here we are. I’m going to need someone to walk me through the mechanics of how she fit a 10 lb. 8 oz. gun in there. Lady Deluca (Stefania Spampinato) has seen worse, and terms this a gungina, which I really hope does not catch on.
Collateral damage: The hypochondriac who has been driving everyone crazy gets shot through that girl’s abdomen, so Bailey (Chandra Wilson) has to operate. He insists on being transferred to another hospital after, in a hilarious moment of self-righteousness.
Jackson (Jesse Williams) invites the guys to see his
midlife crisis yacht and drives them there in a beautiful paid-placement Lexus that I'll totally take if you guys are giving them away. I'm calling it now: This is going to involve a callback to two episodes ago when he had to take his name off of Meredith’s paper that's now getting all that attention. The whole day is one contest after another, and it turns out that one-upmanship is how dudes have emotional conversations. The one Jackson has been trying to get at is: Is Maggie his sister or can he ask her out? Warren (Jason George) lets out that he applied to a fire training program and is on the slowest step out of this show in history. JUST DO IT ALREADY.
Wilson (Camilla Luddington), who is on Mer’s service today, creates a whole operating plan for a judge they’re working on, but something is bugging her about it. Not enough to stop her from talking the patient into signing consent forms to operate (which she apparently did while trying to get Mer to yell at her). It turns out, Alex asked Mer to be nice and…she respects Wilson. We all feel major relief when the old Mer comes back and threatens to suspend Wilson if she pulls any of this shit again. Wilson immediately oversteps and asks the judge for some legal advice about her husband. Sadly the news is all bad, so Matthew Morrison isn’t coming back for at least six to 10 more episodes is my guess.
Amelia is losing it on her first day back — she goes to Webber (James Pickens Jr.) to confess. One tumor removal and a few dickhead comments from Koracick (Greg Germann) later, she’s got this under control. His entire arc is worth it when he admits, to Amelia’s face, that she’s better than him. MORE OF THIS, WHITE MEN!
That night, at the long-promised intern meet-and-greet, there's nary a surgeon in sight — until the dudes drunkenly crash it. So that’s where Owen and Lady Deluca have a meet-cute and hit it off (sorry for your loss, Arizona).
Amelia hooks up with Koracick. Jackson drunkenly tells Bailey he wants to donate some of his quarter-billion (!!!!!!) dollar fortune to starting a reality show in the hospital, some America's Next Great Surgeon bullcrap that he also will not put his name on. Man Deluca (Giacomo Gianniotti) and Arizona find out that his sister and Owen are hooking up. Wilson wants to be Chief Resident and get a divorce. Man Deluca knows one of the interns, and another intern foreshadows it for us.
As you can tell, readers, this week's episode made me very yell-y. My dogs really didn't like it. But next week is the return of George (T.R. Knight) and Cristina (Sandra Oh)!
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