"Don't you want soft skin on your butt?" Madonna asked me through a coy half-smile. "Don't other people look at your butt? The butt has an audience. Of one, at least."
It's not the first (or the last) time Madonna — queen of pop, the cone bra, and shocking Grammys outfits — has referenced her derrière in public. But in this instance, she was explaining why she likes to apply her MDNA SKIN Chrome Clay Mask on her ass. Turns out, it was merely one part of her very involved testing process for the entire MDNA SKIN line, hitting Barney's today. "There isn't one product that I don't use on every part of my body," she says. "It's a little bit weird."
Weird might not be the right word. Rather, slathering your backside with a magnetic-coated, volcanic ash-infused mask intended for your face (which alone costs a whopping $220, minus the $180 magnetic wand you need to take it off) just seems insanely lavish at best, and difficult at worst.
Because, even though we've all seen Madonna's backbends on stage, the average person without a full-length mirror or the flexibility of a gymnast surely can't coat the area without creating a mess. Unless, of course, you follow her instructions: "Ask your significant other to remove it for you," she smirks. "You can lay down [on your stomach]. He can rub your feet — or she — while your mask is setting for seven to 10 minutes. And then you can get some magnetic head on your behind."
Unfortunately for single folks or anyone without a group of really dedicated friends, enlisting a helping hand does sound like a nice way to give your bum the spa treatment. So as the flash from our very staged photo subsided, I stood up to leave and said, "I'll make sure to try out that butt tip, thanks." To which Madonna replied with a wink, "Anytime, darling."
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