Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump will face off in their first national presidential debate this Monday. And while the best thing you could do for your psyche might be to unplug your television and go to sleep — remaining blissfully unaware of all the misogyny that is sure to unfold — being the responsible citizen that you are, we know that’s not going to happen.
So what can you do to make the candidates first head-to-head battle as pleasant as possible? What is the secret to keep yourself smizing as you listen to the endless cable-news punditry?
Throw a kick-ass debate watch party, of course. Do your democratic due diligence with the help of friends...and some adult beverages. Ahead, we've rounded up some essentials to get you started.
A killer playlist to pump your party up in the lead-up to the debate. On the downside, our suggested playlist is made up entirely of “Our Fight Song.” On the bright side, our suggested playlist is made up entirely of “Our Fight Song.”
All the snacks. Might we suggest a “deplorable basket” of appetizers? Morally offensive snack options include: white and white cookies (a David Duke favorite!), Skittles (please send your least favorite flavors to Donald Trump Jr.), and super-saucy hot wings WITHOUT A NAPKIN IN SIGHT! (No political connotations here. That’s just a freaking nightmare.)
A hot sauce bar. Because Beyoncé isn’t the only one who literally carries hot sauce in her bag. We were going to say the added spice pairs well with Trump Grill’s infamous taco salad...but it looks like that’s not actually on the menu.
Mountains of comfy pillows to adorn your couch. Not because you’re too frail to sit upright, they're there because you need something to silently scream into during peak troll tirades. (Pillow-less? We have some suggestions.)
Vodka. Because sometimes, shouting into down cushions just doesn’t cut it. (Disclaimer: Although we encourage you to take shots like the potential POTUS herself, to avoid hospitalization, please steer clear of drinking game rules related to blatant lies and crass nicknames.)
#ImWithHer scrunchies. To prevent potential hair pulling.
A man on speed dial to yell at when the misogyny gets to be a bit too much. If he’s a true ally, he’ll understand.
Appropriate post-debate programming. Decompress with some Samantha Bee at 10:30 and Seth Meyers at 12:35, both of whom have been dropping spot-on political analysis. (And instead of watching toupee enthusiast Jimmy Fallon in-between, go for two rounds of Lemonade to refocus your feminist energy, courtesy of Queen Bey.)
A Zipcar account. Even though the winner of the debate might seem pretty obvious to you, now's probably a good time to road trip to a swing state. Ohio is lovely this time of year.
Laura Stampler is a freelance writer and author ofLittle Black Dresses, Little White Lies. The views expressed here are her own.