This Is How Much It Costs To Buy All Of Oprah's Favorite Things

Oprah's Favorite Things is one of our favorite things. First, because she is a national treasure. Second, because — like the blessed arrival of the red cups at Starbucks — Oprah's Favorite Things is one of those annual reminders that the holiday season has begun. While this year's list contains very little in the way of surprises (yes, there's an Apple Watch Sport in rose gold, an iPhone 6S Plus in rose gold, and some black truffle chips that the queen herself describes in her magazine as "dangerous…dangerously good"), it is notably her biggest haul yet. There are a whopping 87 gifts in total, each hand-selected by O.

We love that Oprah believes she has put together the perfect holiday shopping list. And there are definitely a few things here we wouldn't mind buying for ourselves — you know, with Monopoly money (see the $500 chocolate basket and this limited-edition Butter nail polish set). But for more than 20 years now, the billionaire has been teasing America with luxurious pajama sets and fancy frozen-food items that most of us don't need and/or could never afford. In fact, if you tabulate the 87 items Oprah loves for 2015, the total damage is probably more than what you paid in rent this year: roughly $15,565.05.

So, yeah. The more we think about it, maybe we have a masochistic relationship with Oprah's Favorite Things. It's the equivalent of real estate porn or Ryan Gosling's abs — awe-inspiring and a tiny bit devastating at the same time. But if you're like us and want to torture yourselves a bit, click through to take a peek at a few of the items on this year's list. Do yourself a favor and read the captions in your very best Oprah voice.

Oprah says: "When I saw these book sets, I wanted to take them home immediately. The print, the paper quality, the custom bands—everything is so beautiful. With more than 150 sets, you're sure to find a thoughtful gift for the lit lover on your list."

Our take: Unless this set of Hemingway's collected works comes with an elephant, we're not sure why it costs $395.
Juniper Books Ernest Hemingway Elephant Book Set, $395.00 Buy
Oprah says: "Behold the Cronut of 2015: the Bruffin! Brioche-like stuffed muffins worthy of breakfast, lunch, or dinner are themed by country — the British has bacon and sharp cheddar; the Italian has pepperoni, pesto, and Parmesan; the American has Buffalo chicken, blue cheese, and hot sauce. A world of yum!"

Our take: Watch out, cronuts. Oprah has just put her seal of approval your greatest frenemy.
The Bruffin Deluxe Bruffin Bundle, $85.00 Buy
Oprah says: "I have a sledding hill at my Telluride house, and I'm going to stash some of these durable buffalo plaid snow tubes there for guests who like to go fast and look good doing it."

Our take: This pricey sled was originally designed for use at commercial tubing parks. Maybe that explains its hefty price tag.
L.L. Bean Sonic Snow Tube, $149.95 Buy
Oprah says: "What's your dog begging for? Surely, a faux-fur jacket — tricked out with a jeweled button closure and a practical opening for a leash. (I would have put this on my dogs when I lived in Chicago.) Bonus: It's machine washable (use a gentle cycle for maximum fluffiness)."

Our take: Oprah has favorites for the whole family, including your dog. This faux-fur vest will keep Fido warm all winter — and could possibly launch a fur-on-fur trend.
FRONTGATE Faux Fur Pet Jacket, $39.00 Buy
Oprah says: "I know these suitcases are pricey, but they're worth it. Lightweight yet durable with leather handles, a water-resistant zipper, a limited lifetime warranty and 360-degree spinning wheels (navigating terminals is effortless), they're the ultimate travel companions."

Our take: Sure, this suitcase carries a heavy price tag — but it'll help you stand out in baggage claim.
Hartmann 7R Long Journey Spinner, $850.00 Buy
Oprah says: "Not only is this dishwasher-safe, hand-forged flatware handsome — the utensils are stainless steel coated in matte black titanium — but the sides of the fork are beveled to easily cut food. Good tines! And a great housewarming gift."

Our take: You know what's better than eating Seamless? Eating Seamless with fancy silverware.
Knork Black Titanium 20 PC Set Bundle, $279.99 Buy
Oprah says: "Anyone who knows me knows I love my truffles, and these earthy delights are the perfect finish to just about any savory dish: Spoon the honey over cheese, sprinkle the salt over popcorn, add the oil to risotto, and spread the mayonnaise on sandwiches. Heaven."

Our take: Considering the sheer amount of truffle-infused goodies involved, we're almost tempted to call this set a "deal." Almost.
French Farm Maison Pebeyre Truffle Set, $99.36 Buy
Oprah says: "Sitting down? You'll need to be to handle 15 pounds of chocolate turtles (hand-roasted nuts and caramel coated with milk, dark, or white chocolate) presented in a 5-pound edible basket. That's 20 pounds of chocolate, people! I've ordered the giant version for certain friends, but smaller appetites can get the signature size."

Our take: Twenty pounds of chocolate. It's so right, but so, so wrong.

Phillips Chocolates Giant and Signature Turtle Basket, $500, available at Phillips Chocolates.
Oprah says: "I love this assortment of gardenias, black calla lilies and purple orchids because it's fresh, beautiful and sure to please even the finickiest recipient. You can arrange the blooms and vines in a vase, or float them in bowls for an exotic look."

Our take: Beautiful? Yes. But, we'd rather be given deli flowers and $180.
High Camp Supply Vine and Bloom Box, $151.20 Buy